Crosses to Bear
by Rebecca Parker
Summary: Buffy makes a deal with Wolfram & Hart to get Faith out of jail- live with Lindsey for a year and don't tell Angel why. But things are, as always, more complicated than they seem...
1. Default Chapter

TITLE 

**TITLE:** Crosses to Bear (1/?)   
**AUTHOR: **Prophecy (prophecy_gurl@yahoo.com) and Rebecca (LaVelleBelle@aol.com)   
**RATING:** R   
**SPOILERS:** All of "Angel" Season 1 and "Judgment"   
**DISCLAIMER: **Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.   
**DEDICATION:** Prophecy wants to dedicate her part in this fic to Sovereign with a big hug. Thanks for teaching me to 'Have Faith' ;) Rebecca wants to dedicate HER part in this fic to Jodi, who just plain rocks.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Buffy thought to herself as the guard passed the metal detector down her legs. She held her arms up as he finished making sure she wasn't carrying any deadly objects. "OK Miss Summers. You have 20 minutes," the guard said. "Be careful." Buffy nodded. "I will be," she said, walking through the door and sitting down at the table across from the empty seat where the girl she had spent the last year of her life hating would soon be. She held in her breath, nervously tapping on the table. Angel didn't normally come on a Wednesday night, so when the guard told Faith she had a visitor she was pleasantly surprised. She gave her hair a brush, and quickly washed her face and hands. Hey, wasn't much, but it was the thought that counted with the vampire. She headed into the room with a spring in her step and a warm smile, "Hey A-" her face fell. "B..." she eyed the blonde warily, slowly and carefully walking to sit down. "Expecting someone else?" Buffy asked, exhaling her breath and looking over the other slayer. She looked good- for someone in prison, at least. Her hair had taken on a soft curl and without the usual dark makeup Faith usually made a point of wearing, she looked soft. Softer, at least. "Wasn't expectin' no one," she mumbled, guarded. "Ah," Buffy said, folding her hands. "Then I guess that was 'A- no one' you thought was here, huh?" "Well," she shrugged, avoiding Buffy's eyes. "Angel sometimes visits... not regular like, but..sometimes..." She didn't want to get her friend in trouble with his ex. Buffy nodded, feeling that familiar twinge of guilt and betrayal bubbling under her skin, but she mustered all her strength and pushed it back down. That wasn't why she was here. "I have a reason for being here, Faith. I'm not going to argue and I'm not going to fight." "So your reason would be what, then?" She looked at the blond disbelievingly. "I-" Buffy started, unsure of where her words were leading her. "I miss you." Faith folded her arms, "Yeeeah... riiight." Buffy frowned, looking down at her hands. "I sometimes think you know me better than anyone Faith and that scares me because I know it's true. So look in my eyes," Buffy said, looking up and meeting Faith's gaze, "look me in the eyes and see if I'm lying." Faith's dark eyes met Buffy's and she held the blonde's gaze for a long time. "I know," Buffy said, smiling. "You didn't expect that, did you? You thought I was going to walk in here and say 'I told you so'. Maybe have a good laugh about the mess you're in. Ask you if Big Bertha's hit on you yet?" Buffy grinned. "See? I think sometimes I know you well too. But," she said, her smile disappearing. "I'm just worried about you." "You put on weight," Faith said finally. "Looks good on ya.. the anorexic thing wasn't as cute..." "Yeah well," Buffy said, giggling. "I like my Ben and Jerry's. I'd try to smuggle you in some but they'd just put their grubby fingers in it looking for a file or something," she said, laughing. Buffy looked at Faith questioningly. "You didn't answer me. Are you ok?" "Survivin', B... as always..." "I don't buy that," Buffy said, matter-of-factly. "I miss slayin', B," she admitted. "Our kind weren't meant to be locked up... Goin' fuckin' stir crazy..." "I know," Buffy said, nodding. "I can only imagine. I remember when I was in Los Angeles after I- after I sent Angel to hell. I was trying to distance myself from all that- I wanted to hide from who I really was but every night I stayed inside I could feel this churning in my chest- this need to go out there and slay." Buffy sighed, moving her hand to Faith's. "I know I said that you needed this- to be in here but I was wrong. I want to get you out of here." "B - when I get outta here it'll be in a coffin. You know that and I know that." She clasped the blonde's hand, grateful for human contact. "That's not true," Buffy said. "I'm not going to let that happen. I have a plan." "Should I be scared?" she drawled Buffy smiled. "Yes and no. I'm not planning on burning the place down and sneaking you out but- I did something I shouldn't have to get you out of here." "B?" Faith looked at her, curious. Buffy sighed, removing her hand from Faith's and looking down at the ground. "You have to promise not to judge me, OK? I did what I did because I consider you a sister and I can't have you in here. I've made a lot of mistakes when it comes to you and I need to start to make them up." "Whaddya do, B?" Worry replaced curiosity. "I made a deal with the devil," Buffy said, looking up at Faith. "Metaphorically, of course." "If you mean what I think you mean, B, unmake it quick. Angel'll go nuts." "What do you think I mean?" "Wolfram and Hart?" Buffy sighed, her head dropping again and her hand on her forehead. "Yes and no. It's a little more specific than that." "Vistin' time ain't interminable, B... Spit it out..." Faith gripped Buffy's hands. "Those guys are... ya can't trust 'em B!" Buffy frowned. "I know- I should just say it but I'm so afraid of what you'll think of me." She stopped, collecting herself. "I'm sleeping with Lindsey McDonald." Faith's first thought was a sympathetic horror for Angel. Then amazement at what Buffy was doing for her. "I'd do him..." she shrugged, "double-crossing bastard is nothing if not fuckable.." Buffy sighed, letting a smile settle on her face. "He's not bad," she said, giggling girlishly like she and Faith were painting each other's toenails at a slumber party. "He's actually- sweet? I mean- he came to me in Sunnydale with the offer. He gets you out of her and I start a sexual relationship with him." Buffy stopped. "God, I'm a whore," she said, reaching for Faith's hand again. "All I had to do was be in this relationship with him and not tell Angel that it was all a scam and you would be out. He wants to strike Angel where it hurts and I know it will. But I also know that he can survive that, but I'm not sure you can survive this. And that's what's important to me." She smiled weakly. "So I give up a little dignity. I start this completely non healthy relationship. And I break the one person I love's heart. But I save you." "I thought you hated me, B..." she spoke softly, amazed at how far the blonde was going for her. "I c'n... I c'n clue Angel in if ya like..." She squeezed Buffy's hand. "I thought I hated you too," Buffy admitted. "I was stupid. You hurt me- I won't lie about that but I think I hurt you too. But I don't want you telling Angel," Buffy said, sighing. "I think maybe it will be easier this way for him. Better him to think me a slut than a prostitute." "Alright, B..." she nodded, gently. "He's... he's doin' okay..." a wry grin curled her lips, "'Cept for his gig as a karaoke star..." "Karaoke?" Buffy asked, shocked by Faith's quick change of topic but comforted at the same time. At least she wasn't judging her. "Oh you have got to be kidding me. Dish!" "Barry Manilow of all things..." she smirked. She could tell B was getting all worried and stuff about the Lindsey issue. Well, she'd kick McDonald's ass once she got out. "Ladies," the guard said, walking in. "Party's over." "Dave, c'mon, five more minutes with my girl?" Faith pleaded, leaning over and flashing some cleavage. The guard shook his head, smiling. "Three and then she's outta here. Unless of course you want to show me a little something too?" the guard asked, looking at Buffy. Buffy quirked her eyebrows. "Three minutes will be fine," she said, turning back to Faith and sticking her tongue out playfully at Faith. "Fine. Three minutes," the guard said, walking out. "So Barry Manilow, huh? Let me guess- Copacabana?" "That was my guess... but no, 'Mandy'..." she shook her head, chuckling that low throaty giggle of hers. "I can imagine Angel doing a lot of things, but singing 'Mandy' definitely isn't one of them." She shook her head and after a moment took a deep breath. "Here's the deal. You'll be let out tomorrow around 6 PM. Angel's going to pick you up- we'll make sure he knows about it. You can't tell him that I'm behind this. He doesn't know about Lindsey and me yet and he can't ever know about this deal. Promise me that?" "Cross my heart..." Faith traced a cross over her chest with her finger. "What's the deal with you an' Lefty, B...? How much longer...?" Buffy looked away from Faith, suddenly finding a spot on the wall very interesting. "I- I can't say, Faith. Let's just put it this way- it's a good thing there's a Hellmouth here or else I couldn't explain my move to Giles." "Buffy Anne Summers," Faith gripped her hands firmly, "Tell me." "A year," she said, looking up at Faith, her eyes wet with tears. "Any less than a year and you go right back in. If Angel finds out, you go right back in. I had to tell you and he allowed that, but Angel can't know, Faith." "Christ, B..." Faith growled, dropping the blonde's hands as if stung. "I'm not worth that..." "You're worth more than that," Buffy said, her voice growing louder. "I'd marry the bastard if it meant you never had to see the inside of this place again. We're the Slayer Sisters, remember?" "And I'd kill him for forcing you inta somethin' like that..." her voice was a low growl. "And you'd be right back inside again Faith," Buffy said, taking her hand back. "Please. Let me do this- I'll be fine. He's not abusive- he doesn't force me. It'll be like a marriage of convenience, only without the marriage." The brown eyes smoldered. "You're better than that, B... Tell him if its a slayer he wants I'll give him the ride of his life once I'm out... bastard shouldn't be touching you, B..." The door swung open again and the guard walked back in. "That's it ladies. I don't care if you both get up on the table and put on a show for me, you're not getting any more time." Buffy frowned, looking at Faith. "Trust me, OK? I'll be ten times worse if you don't go along with this." "Let's go," the guard said, angrily. "Fuck yourself, Dave..." Faith got up and crossed to Buffy's side of the table, pulling the blonde into a fierce hug. Buffy relaxed into the hug, her arms holding her friend tight. "I'll see you soon, OK?" Faith gripped Buffy's chin in her hand, "I'll fix this, B, I swear it." "It's fixed," Buffy said, pulling out of the embrace. "I'll be fine. Really," she said, nodding to the guard. "Trust me." "What happened to Riley?" she asked as Buffy was being led out. "He- he left me," Buffy said, her breath caught in her throat as she walked out the door. The guard quickly shut it, escorting Buffy to the exit of the prison. Faith sat down hard on her chair, waiting for the bastard to return to escort her back to her room. She felt like shit. Dave came back to the room a few minutes later. "Alright Faith. Ya got a few extra minutes with your girlfriend. It's back to your cell now." "I'm thrilled," she drawled, uncrossing her legs, but not getting up. She was in a bad mood - what price her freedom was being bought at? * Buffy walked out of the prison, leaning against the fence and taking a deep breath. She couldn't believe she was going through with this but Faith meant too much to her to have her slowly be broken inside prison. She had her own amends to make and if it meant giving up a year of her life to servitude- it would have to be a cross for her to bear. She wiped a tear away as she thought of Riley. She had lied to Faith, telling her that he had left her, when really it was her who had left him. She loved him but she needed to save Faith and she doubted he would understand that she had to live and have sex with a man for a year to save a friend who he hated. She closed her eyes and let the cool night air wash over her. One more day and then everything would go to hell. But Faith would be out of it. And that was all that mattered anymore to her. To Be Continued.... 


	2. Part 2

TITLE 

**TITLE:** Crosses to Bear (2/?)   
**EMAIL:** LaVelleBelle@aol.com   
**RATING:** PG-13   
**DISCLAIMER:** Brilliant brilliant Joss owns all.   
**DEDICATION:** To Naomi, who co-wrote the first part with me. Your spirit remains- hope I didn't screw up Faith too much :)

Lindsey held onto the phone, hearing the dial tone on the other end and took a deep breath. He would dial those 7 numbers and everything would change. Everything in his world would be spun out of control and that idea, more than anything, invigorated him.

He turned around, staring at her in his bed- the sheets covering her naked form; her blonde hair spread out on the pillow. He smiled, remembering last night and how it seemed she was less stiff than their first few nights. She wasn't the reason he was doing this, but it was a nice bonus.

He moved into the living room, dialing the numbers that had been circulating in his head for the last few weeks since this plan had been formed. After only two rings, he picked up.

"Hello?" the voice said.

"Angel, it's Lindsey," he said, smiling as he sat down on the edge of the couch and listened to the few seconds of silence that came after.

"What do you want?" Angel asked roughly and Lindsey could close his eyes and imagine the look on the vampire's face now. They weren't exactly on the best of terms.

"Just thought you would like to know that Faith is being released from prison today at 6:30 PM. Right after sundown, it seems. Thought you might want to be there to pick her up."

Angel held onto the phone, his mind racing. "How?" he asked.

"Wolfram & Hart appealed her case and due to a technicality, we were able to get her term shortened to time already served. She'll be a free woman tonight," Lindsey answered.

"OK, then, why?" Angel asked, suspicious.

"We have our reasons," Lindsey said, hanging up the phone and grinning, his arms locked. This was going to be so much fun.

****

"Hello?" Cordelia asked, walking into the lobby of the hotel, placing her bag on the front desk. "Angel? Wes?"

"Cordelia," Angel said, walking out of the manager's office. "You're early."

"Well, Dennis was playing thermostat commando again," Cordelia said, shrugging. "I figure I'd come here and enjoy the heat."

"OK," Angel said, pacing. "It's good that you're here. I need to talk to you about something important."

Cordelia frowned, watching Angel walk back and forth. "What's going on, Angel? You look like you just found out your favorite hair gel brand was discontinued."

"Faith," Angel said, looking up at Cordelia.

"Your favorite hair gel is called Faith?"

"No," Angel said, smiling. "Faith is getting let out of prison tonight. Lindsey called me this morning to let me know."

"OK," Cordelia said, shaking her head. "This is not good, Angel. Lindsey "Big Bad #1" McDonald is calling you to let you know that Faith 'Psycho Slayer who's tried to kill us all on numerous occasions' whatever her last name is is being let out of prison? This just has 'TRAP' written all over it."

"I don't know Cordelia," Angel said, running his fingers through his hair. "I know that's how it looks but Faith is making amends for what she's done."

"Well, maybe she's changed her mind," Cordelia said, her hands on her waist. "I remember when she pulled that 'redeeming herself' act right before she tried to help the Mayor eat the whole town."

"Not this time, Cordelia," Angel said, his voice strong. "I've seen her in prison- The things she's dealt with there- If she wasn't 100% committed to going straight, she would have snapped by now."

"Well then why would Wolfram & Hart be getting her out of prison? She played them, Angel, and last time I checked they didn't reward that."

"What about Lindsey? He helped us stop Vanessa Brewer and he got a promotion. Wolfram & Hart doesn't often make sense, Cordelia," Angel remarked.

"I know," she said, sighing. She took a deep breath, carefully tucking her hair behind her ears. "What time does she get out?"

"6:30. The way Lindsey made it sound, it was planned right after sunset just for me."

"Well, I'm going with you," Cordelia said, shrugging her shoulders. "And so is Wes."

"I don't know." Angel shook his head. "I know you'll go, but Wes is a different case. He still has a lot of issues with the whole Faith thing. I had hoped we would have some more time before having to deal with it again but-"

"But the time is now and you know what, Angel?" Cordelia asked, smiling, "You don't give Wesley enough credit. He'd follow you to the ends of the Earth and if you say you want him to go with you, he will."

"I know," Angel said. "Wesley's loyal but I also don't want to force him to deal with something he's not ready to yet."

"OK. Fair enough. Then my company will just have to be enough!" Cordelia smiled. "Good thing we have 50 rooms at our disposal, huh? Looks like we'll have another guest checking in tonight."

****

Buffy woke up, one eye opening before the other and looking around the room. She frowned as she sat up in bed, clutching the sheet to her. Lindsey was nowhere to be seen and for that, she was relieved.

The previous night had been enjoyable, to a point. Lindsey was a skilled lover, but Buffy knew the word "love" belonged nowhere in a term she had for him. She was a pawn in his little game of revenge and she knew it.

Buffy slid off the bed, letting the sheet fall to the floor and walked towards the bathroom, her feet stepping on the cold tile. She stood in front of the mirror, examining her face as if she had never seen it before. Sometimes she would do this for hours, just trying to figure out who she was. She wasn't Buffy Summers, Slayer, Chosen One anymore. She was something else and she didn't like it at all. She was Buffy Summers, whore.

Buffy turned away from the mirror and leaned into the shower stall. She quickly turned the dial and felt the hot water beat against her back. She was sore from a long fight she had with a group of vampires the night before and being pressed into the bed under Lindsey's thrusts hadn't helped matters much.

She stepped inside, wincing at the heat of the water, but closing her eyes as she felt herself emerged in the water. She leaned against the shower, her hand to her head and felt all those familiar emotions flood her- rage, sorrow, shame- She felt them all and she couldn't help but cry. Her body shook as she let out a guttural sob.

****

Faith fidgeted nervously as she paced the waiting area. It was almost 6:30 and Angel was going to be here soon. She had no idea what she was going to say or how she would explain her 'Get out of jail free' card. She hoped more than anything that he couldn't tell she was lying when she told him she had no idea why she was free. She knew. She knew damn well- Buffy had bought her freedom with her body. Buffy had sold her soul so Faith could be free to get a chance to fuck it all up again. But she wasn't going to let that happen.

"Hey Dave," Faith called out and smiled when the guard turned around. "Is my friend here yet or what?"

"Well, aren't we in a rush to get out of here? Not enjoying my company?"

"Oh yeah, it's just great," Faith said, sitting down. "Really, I was thinkin' of callin' ya up afterwards. Maybe hookin' up on the outside."

"Tease," Dave said, grinning as Faith flipped him the bird. "Looks like your friend's here, Faith."

Faith sprung from her seat, running her fingers through her hair and shifting her weight from foot to foot. She took a deep breath and waited for Angel.

Angel walked into the room, his hands and his pockets and smiled at Faith. "Hey," he said, walking over to her and pulling her into a hug. "Looks like you're out of here, huh?"

Faith relaxed into the hug, glad for the human contact not forced upon you. "Seems like," she said, her head on his shoulder, unwilling to break away. "Thanks for coming."

"You know I'll always come for you," Angel said, smiling. "Uh, well, you know what I mean," he said, pulling out of the hug reluctantly. "How are you? Are you OK?"

"I'm five by five Angel," Faith said, shrugging her shoulders. "Glad to be gettin' outta this hellhole."

"Yeah," Angel said, leaning against the table and staring at her. "Anything new go on since I last saw you?"

"Nah," Faith said, looking down and letting her hair cover her face. "Just the usual bitch trying to show she's got bigger balls than me. I dealt."

"Good," Angel said, smiling as he folded his arms. "Let's get you home."

"I ain't gonna argue," Faith said, looking up at Angel. "Aren't ya gonna ask me?"

"Ask you what?"

"You know what," Faith said, running her hands along her pants and looking away from the vampire.

"I'm not going to," Angel said, stepping towards her. He took her chin in his hand and turned her face to his. "I know you're not working for them again."

"But ya thought about it," Faith said, shrugging out of his grasp and turning away. "Angel, I don't know how I can ever prove to ya-"

"You don't have to Faith," Angel said, sighing. "And I mean that. Let's just get you home. I think you're gonna like the new place."

Faith turned around, smiling at him weakly. "You're too good to me, Angel."

Angel smiled in response, walking towards the door.

Faith followed, and as they walked out of the prison together Faith frowned. How did it make sense that she felt worse once she walked outside of the confines of the prison?

"Are you OK?" Angel asked as he opened the car door for her. "Somehow I thought being let out of prison would make you happier."

"I got issues," Faith said, watching as Angel sat down beside her. "I don't feel like I deserve this, ya know? Like I'm buyin' my way out." Faith gulped. Why had she said that? Angel was sure to pick up on it.

Angel frowned. "Just because you're free from prison, doesn't mean your free."

"Yeah," Faith said, shrugging. "Ya keep saying that."

"Is it any less true?" Angel asked, starting the car engine and pulling out into the street.

"No." Faith turned to him. "Can we just not have this whole pep talk right now? Somehow I think we've got a long time for it."

"Of course." Angel nodded understandingly. They drove the rest of the way to the hotel in silence, Angel occasionally stealing a glance at the slayer, making sure she was alright.

***

"And Angel picked her up?" Lindsey asked, adjusting the phone to his ear.

"6:36 PM, Mr. McDonald," the voice on the other end of the line responded. "They arrived at the Hyperion at approximately 7:28."

"Good," Lindsey said, smiling as he hung up the phone, staring at Buffy as she slowly ate the dinner he had cooked her. She tried to look as if she wasn't paying attention, but it was obvious she had hung on every word. "Everything's going according to plan, Buffy. Now comes the hard part."

Buffy nodded, swallowing her bite of food. "I know."

"Remember, you can't say anything to Angel to let him know our arrangement. If you do-"

"I know Lindsey," Buffy said, pushing her plate aside. "I know this may be blonde hair atop my head, but I did understand 'the plan' the first 10 to 20 times you told me."

Lindsey sighed, sliding into the seat next to her at the table. "I'm sorry, I know you did. This is just a very delicate situation."

"You're telling me," Buffy said, frowning as she got up from the table, heading towards the living room. She needed to be by herself for a while and hoped Lindsey respected that.

To be Continued...


	3. Part 3

TITLE 

TITLE: Crosses to Bear (Part 3/?)   
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker   
EMAIL: LaVelleBelle@aol.com   
RATING: R   
SUMMARY: In order to get Faith out of jail, Buffy agrees to be with Lindsey for a year, and Angel is about to find out who his favorite slayer is sleeping with...   
SPOILERS: Up to "Are You Now or Have You Ever Been" except Darla never returned.   
FEEDBACK: Yes please!   
DISTRIBUTION: This and the first two parts are at my site (http://www.ourowndestiny.com) and FINNatics. All others, please ask first.   
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.   
DEDICATION: To anyone who waited very patiently for me to post the next part. I'm really sorry it took so long and I promise to write more soon.   
  
  
  
Cordelia paced the length of the office, nervously watching the door and awaiting their arrival. She should have gone with Angel to pick up Faith, but at the last minute they had gotten a phone call from a new client, and Cordelia had been left behind.   
  
She still felt those familiar pangs of unease in her stomach over the whole situation, but she also knew that sometimes there was just no point arguing with Angel over certain subjects.   
  
Like Faith.   
  
Buffy had learned that lesson last time she had come to Los Angeles. She still remembered the sulking and brooding that had been the fallout from that one. It wasn't pretty.   
  
She walked over to the coffee machine, making sure the pot was full and hot. She had a feeling it was going to be a long night, and knew that they would all need a little pick-me-up. Especially Wesley. He had no idea what was going on and Cordelia was sure he would be none too pleased when he found out.   
  
As if on cue, Wesley walked into the office, a smile on his face. "I must say, Cordelia," he said, walking next to her and picking up a cup. "It smells quite like a Parisian cafe in here."   
  
"Yep. I have everything but the croissants and guys in funny hats," she said, picking up the pot and pouring him some coffee.   
  
"They're called berets," Wesley said, taking the cup from him.   
  
"Hello, I know that," Cordelia said, smiling as she leaned back against the counter, "they're also called so passe. They're totally 80's."   
  
"Ah, my faux pas, I do apologize," Wesley said, grinning as he took another sip and cringed. "Sugar please?" he asked her, trying not to laugh as he noticed the pained expression as she passed it to him. "Is Angel awake?"   
  
Cordelia moved past him, fidgeting nervously. How did she always get stuck in these odd situations? If Angel wanted to befriend the girl who nearly sliced and diced Wesley within an inch of his life, he should be the one to tell him!   
  
"Yep. He's actually out and about already," she answered finally, fixing a pile of magazines that had accumulated on her desk.   
  
"Ah. New case?" Wesley asked, straightening his glasses as he walked towards her.   
  
"Old one actually," Cordelia said, biting her lip, "You know the deal- some lost soul he's not willing to give up on."   
  
"Ah," Wesley answered, folding his arms. "Angel can be quite stubborn. Let me take a guess at who this lost soul is. Lindsey McDonald, perhaps?"   
  
"I wish," Cordelia said, laughing nervously.   
  
"Have a thing for him, do we?" Wesley asked, grinning at her.   
  
"Well, I don't," Cordelia answered, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. "I just wish it was that simple."   
  
"As simple as saving the soul of a LAWYER?" Wesley asked, chuckling. "My God, who is this impossible case?"   
  
"Faith, actually," Cordelia answered. "She got out of prison tonight."   
  
Wesley stared at Cordelia for a moment as if she was mid-joke and he was sure the punchline was still coming. After a minute, it became apparent that she was serious, as well as uncomfortable, and Wesley's shoulders slumped.   
  
"How?" he asked, finally. So many other words wanted to be said, but he thought the question the only diplomatic thing he could offer.   
  
"Off on a technicality, supposedly," she said, shrugging. "But the aforementioned Lindsey McDonald called to deliver the news and I'm thinking - take a big whiff of the big ole scam."   
  
"But Angel doesn't believe that," he said, moving away from her to stare at the doors of the hotel, trying to imagine the look on the slayer's face when confronted with the man she nearly killed.   
  
"Of course not. He's got faith in Faith," she said, the inflections of sarcasm apparent in her voice. "One of these days, he's gonna get a big ole case of the 'I told you so's.'"   
  
"I fear so," Wesley said, taking another sip of his coffee. "She won't hurt you again," he said, his eyes transfixed on the bottom of his cup.   
  
"Of course not," Cordelia said, her voice tender. "You don't even have to worry about me. She even tries any of her slayer moves on me, I'll just cut all her hair off or something."   
  
"This is serious Cordelia," Wesley said, looking up at her. "Angel puts his trust in some dangerous places and he's not the only one liable to get hurt."   
  
Cordelia reached out her hand, taking his firmly. "We'll be fine," she said as reassuringly as possible. "We've taken care of each other before and we'll do it again."   
  
Wesley smiled awkwardly at her, tightening his grip on her hand. "Thank you Cordelia." He let go suddenly, his hands at his side. "When will they be arriving?"   
  
Cordelia glanced at her watch quickly. It was 7:00. "Barring an attempted murder on the way home, they should be arriving in about a half hour."   
  
"30 minutes left of normality," Wesley mused to himself. "Let's get to work on the Sullivan case then, shall we?"   
  
********   
  
Faith stared out the window as Angel's convertible sped down the streets of Los Angeles. With the top down, she could feel the wind blowing through her hair, occasionally sweeping tendrils of it in her face.   
  
She missed this. Being free.   
  
They had sat in a comfortable silence for most of the ride, but now the quiet seemed awkward. She started to fidget nervously with the door locks- any signs of entrapment making her stomach turn over slightly. Eager to find a safe topic of discussion, Faith asked about their new offices.   
  
"It's great, actually," he said, turning his car left with one hand, the other leaning against the edge of the door. "It used to be this grand hotel- the Hyperion. I stayed there for a long time," he said, moving both hands to grip the wheel, and after another minute of silence, Faith wasn't sure if he was going to continue- Angel didn't always have quite a way with words- or a use for them.   
  
"So there's all bellboys and maids?" she asked, leaning back in the seat.   
  
"No," Angel said, stopping at a light. He turned to her, smiling awkwardly. "It's been a long time since I stayed there as a guest. The place is pretty in-operational now. There are a few rooms that have been well kept, but that's about it. No room service."   
  
"Shit," Faith said, smiling. "That woulda been nice."   
  
Angel smiled, pulling up in front of the Hyperion and cutting off the engine. He stared at it in all its dilapidated glory and he sighed. Inside, no doubt, were Cordelia and Wesley- two people who wouldn't exactly be hanging up the "Welcome Back" banners for Faith. He looked over to her, watching as she picked nervously at her nails, sure that she was thinking the same thing he was.   
  
"You don't have to see them tonight," he offered.   
  
"Hey, it's all part and parcel, right? Gotta see 'em sometime," she said, turning to look out the side of the car. She closed her eyes and remembered the cries that had escaped from Wesley as she cut in to him and, through it all, her laughter. She had laughed as she carved her initial into his chest, had laughed when she kept the match to his chest, had laughed when the smell of burning flesh filled the room.   
  
She had been a monster then- a crazed girl at the end of her rope and Wesley had paid the price for her desperation.   
  
"He'll forgive you," Angel said, as if reading her thoughts.   
  
She turned back to him, shaking her head. "I don't think so Angel."   
  
"You don't know Wesley," he countered.   
  
"Yeah, well I can't figure what type of guy forgives someone for torturin' them."   
  
"Giles did," Angel answered, his voice so low that Faith could hardly hear him.   
  
Her mouth closed suddenly as she realized yet another thing they had in common, and it never ceased to amaze her how, sometimes, the two of them were so alike. "I'm sorry Angel," she said, looking down at her hands.   
  
"Don't tell me," he said, looking at her and the tired look on her face. "Listen, I'll sneak you in the back door. You can deal with everything tomorrow. Tonight- just sleep."   
  
"You sure? That ain't gonna piss em off?"   
  
"They'll understand," he said, opening the door, and hoping that was actually true.   
  
****   
  
"Yes sir," Lindsey said, clicking his cell phone closed and placing it in his pocket. Tomorrow was the big day, and new details were constantly being added to the plan. He happened to like this last one.   
  
He needed to speak to Buffy about the news, but he could tell now wasn't the time. He watched as Buffy attacked the punching bag she had demanded they install in his apartment. He watched as her body moved nimbly in attack and hoped the day would never come when she would use those moves on him.   
  
Of course, the way things were going, he wasn't so sure.   
  
"You going out?" he asked, sitting down on the couch, watching her still.   
  
"Yeah. I can probably get in some good slayage time before my curfew," she said, accentuating the last word with every drop of sarcasm in her. Wolfram & Hart had decided that, for appearances' sake, Buffy would be allowed to still slay, but she needed to be back in Lindsey's "custody" before 1 AM each morning. She felt like she was 16 and back sneaking in through the window of her bedroom.   
  
"OK," Lindsey said, taking the glass of whiskey from the end table and sipping it softly as he watched her towel off her sweat and grab for her jacket. "You're going now?"   
  
"I was planning on it," she said, fixing the collar of her jacket. "If that's alright with you? Do I need a permission slip signed or something?"   
  
"You're in a bad mood," he commented, putting down his drink.   
  
"Oh now Lindsey, why ever do you think that? I'm young, beautiful, strong and oh yeah- what's the word I'm looking for- trapped? Oh no, that's not it- prisoner. I think that was the word I was looking for."   
  
"You made that decision," Lindsey said, getting up and moving towards her. "You can't be a prisoner if you put yourself behind the bars willingly. You know what you are? You're a volunteer. You want your freedom? I can give it to you," he said. He didn't want to be like this with her, but he could feel the alcohol going to his head. "I'll give you your freedom- I just have to take it away from the girl we gave it to."   
  
"You're a bastard, Lindsey," Buffy said, moving past him angrily. "I'll be back by 1," she said as she slammed the door shut.   
  
"Damnit," Lindsey said, taking a punch at the bag himself.   
  
To Be Continued....   



	4. Part 4

TITLE 

TITLE: Crosses to Bear (Part 4/?)   
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker   
EMAIL: LaVelleBelle@aol.com   
RATING: R   
SUMMARY: In order to get Faith out of jail, Buffy agrees to be with Lindsey for a year, and Angel is about to find out who his favorite slayer is sleeping with...   
SPOILERS: Up to "Are You Now or Have You Ever Been" except Darla never returned.   
FEEDBACK: Yes please!   
DISTRIBUTION: This and the first three parts are at my site (http://www.ourowndestiny.com) and FINNatics. All others, please ask first.   
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.   
DEDICATION: To Sharon, who keeps me sane and keeps me grounded.   
  
  
  
  
As Angel escorted her inside what would, from now on, be her room, Faith felt uneasy. She still felt like Cordelia and Wesley would hate her (even more) for copping out and sneaking in the back entrance like a dog with her tail between her legs.   
  
"Nice room," she said, looking around. "I'd fire the decorator tho. Guy ripped you off," she said, grinning as she flopped down on the bed. She ran her hand over the bedspread, digging her fingers into the relative softness of the mattress. After prison, it felt like a bed of feathers.   
  
"Well, he's been dead for over 50 years so I don't think there's much I can do at this point," Angel said, smiling awkwardly. "Are you sure this room is alright?"   
  
"Compared to my last digs, this is like the Waldorff Fucking Astoria," she said, grinning.   
  
"Good," Angel said, crossing his arms. "Can I get you anything? I thought I'd go out but if you want me to stay..."   
  
"Go," she said, shrugging. "I just thought I'd catch some Z's. Gotta get ready if I want to start kicking some vamp ass tomorrow night."   
  
"Patrolling? Are you sure you're-"   
  
"I'm ready Angel," she said, rolling her eyes. "Gotta lot of catching up to do. I'm still the slayer, ya know?"   
  
Angel nodded. "OK. We can go out tomorrow together."   
  
"I don't need a babysitter," she said, starting to get a little annoyed and wondering if it would always be like this- the doubt in his eyes and words. And if it was this bad with him, she could only imagine what it would be like with Cordelia and Wesley.   
  
"I just like the company," Angel admitted, and Faith believed him.   
  
"Sounds like a plan then," she said.   
  
"Good," he said, backing towards the door. "Sleep well. I'll see you in the morning."   
  
"Night," she said, taking off her jacket. "Angel?"   
  
"Yes?" he asked, turning back to her.   
  
"I just wanted to say- Thanks."   
  
"You're welcome Faith. It's good to have you back," he said, walking out the door and down the hallway.   
  
Faith sat in silence for a moment before taking a deep breath. "Good to be back," she whispered.   
  
  
++++++   
  
  
  
Buffy had come to the very real conclusion that she hated Los Angeles.   
  
As she strolled through a park, her stake tucked firmly away in the inside pocket of her jacket, she was sure that Los Angeles was less Hellmouth and more Hell.   
  
Whereas in Sunnydale, most citizens knew it to be wise to keep off the streets at night, in Los Angeles everyone seemed to be blissfully ignorant. Although she knew she had to be back with Lindsey by 1 AM she was sure that if she stayed out till 4, she would still find the odd couple making out on a bench or the lone drifter walking the streets.   
  
A real 24/7 buffet for vampires and Buffy started to understand why Angel was needed here.   
  
She sighed; slowing her pace a bit as the night began to wind down. A quick glance at her watch and it was already midnight. She had maybe a half-hour left before she needed to head back to her apartment.   
  
She stopped suddenly, as if the realization of her thoughts had hit her.   
  
Her apartment. That's what it was, in truth. All her things had been moved in, her address, for the sake of bills and correspondence, had been changed. Buffy Summers now lived at 360 Victorian Road, Apartment 10-B with her "boyfriend", Lindsey McDonald.   
  
She didn't know why she had reacted so harshly to him- as if this was a decision forced upon her instead of one she had agreed to willingly. She had no one to blame but herself.   
  
Suddenly, the hairs on the back of her neck were standing on end and she could sense a vampire was nearby. She slipped her hand carefully into her jacket, skillfully removing her stake soundlessly. She slowed her pace a bit, listening to the soft footsteps behind her and bracing herself for the fight that would follow.   
  
Quickly, she spun around, poised to attack but stopped when she realized who was behind her. Of course, it was him.   
  
"Angel," she said, feeling her heart start to beat rapidly in her chest for several different reasons. She always felt like this around him, but now she realized, it was really beginning. Lindsey's little plan had just become an active one.   
  
"Buffy?" Angel asked, looking at her with amazement. "What are you doing here?"   
  
She smiled awkwardly, raising her stake as an answer.   
  
"Yeah, I kind of figured you were patrolling with the almost staking me and all, but I meant- what are you doing in LA? Is something going on?"   
  
Buffy took a deep breath, hearing Lindsey's instructions in the back of her mind. Every possible question Angel could have asked her had it's answer pre-planned. "I actually moved out here," Buffy said, shrugging. "Sunnydale's been kind of slow and I heard things were hopping out here."   
  
"No more than usual," he said, his expression one of confusion. "Sunnydale's slow? Why is that?"   
  
"I don't know. We think maybe it might have to do with the Initiative," she said, tucking her stake up her sleeve. "Hellmouth or not, the place has a bad rep for demons right now. I thought I should come to someplace where I could be more useful."   
  
"Why didn't you call me and let me know you were here? We could have used a slayer," he said, stopping abruptly as he remembered Faith's return. He recalled the animosity Buffy had towards her and decided to broach the subject later.   
  
Buffy noticed the look on Angel's face when he mentioned the slayer and felt hurt that he didn't mention Faith's return to her. Too many secrets; but Buffy had ones of her own.   
  
"Well," she said, tucking her hair nervously behind her ear. "I thought it might be weird. I mean, there are extenuating circumstances."   
  
"Such as?" he asked, leading her to a park bench and sitting down. "Buffy, you can tell me anything. Is everything OK?"   
  
She nodded, sitting down and crossing her legs nervously. "It's just- on certain subjects, I don't feel comfortable talking to you."   
  
"You're here with Riley," Angel said, nodding and shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "I should have known."   
  
"No," Buffy said, swallowing hard at the mention of Riley. "We...we broke up," she said, looking down at her fingernails.   
  
"Ah," Angel said, nodding. As cruel as it seemed, he was having problems keeping a smile off his face. "So you're here alone?"   
  
Buffy took a deep breath. She knew what she was supposed to say. She had been instructed on exactly what to say to that very question yet the words didn't want to come out of her mouth. "No," she said, looking away from him. "I'm here with someone new. I'm living with him actually," she said. She took a deep breath and turned back to Angel.   
  
Angel looked at her for a moment as if waiting for her to laugh and tell him she was just kidding. "So let me get this straight," Angel finally said, and Buffy winced at the angry tone of his voice. "I saw you two months ago and you were with Riley, but since then you've broken up and are now in a relationship with someone to the point that you're living with him?"   
  
She nodded. "I know it sounds quick," she admitted, "but he's great, Angel. I really love him." She looked up at him and felt horrible. The fact that it was all a lie made it even worse and Buffy hated herself. "I'm sorry, Angel."   
  
"No," he said, shaking his head. "I shouldn't make you feel bad. You've moved on. I'm glad you're happy." He looked at her. "You are happy, right?"   
  
~Not even close~, Buffy thought to herself but forced a smile. "Very," she said.   
  
"Then that's all that matters, I suppose," he said, standing up. "I'm just gonna go back to the Hotel. You should stop by sometime."   
  
"I'll do that," she said, looking up at him. "It was nice seeing you again, Angel."   
  
"Likewise," he said, and after a long glance, he walked away. He knew he should stay and talk to her about things, but the sting of her news was too much to take.   
  
As he turned the corner, his hands dug firmly in his pockets, he realized that she had never told him this new guy's name....   
  
++++++   
  
"You're late," Lindsey said, pouring a glass of wine as he watched Buffy walk in the door.   
  
"Well, Angel didn't show up until after midnight. I tried to tell him I had a curfew, but he didn't believe me," she said sarcastically.   
  
"So Angel knows you're in town," he asked, handing her a glass. "Did you tell him about us?"   
  
Buffy nodded. "Yeah. In the no names sense," she said, taking the glass and sipping the alcohol. Lindsey had good taste.   
  
"How did he take it?" he asked, lifting his own glass to his lips. By the look on her face, he could tell Angel hadn't taken it well.   
  
"He was hurt," she said, sighing as she slipped onto the barstool next to him. "But he said as long as I'm happy, he's happy."   
  
"Do you think he means it?"   
  
"Yes," she said, looking down into her glass. "And no. Things with Angel and I have never really been that cut and dry."   
  
"I understand," Lindsey said, getting up and moving behind her, his hands reaching out to her shoulders, his fingers starting to work into a gentle massage. "Things never are."   
  
Buffy sighed, feeling the tension start to evaporate under Lindsey's skilled hands. "That feels good," she said, feeling guilty for the pleasure he always gave her.   
  
"I'm sorry for being such a dick before," he said, increasing the pressure and letting his fingers run along her shoulders. He leaned down and kissed the base of her neck softly. "I know this must be hard for you."   
  
She turned around, ignoring his apology and taking his hands in hers. She looked down at his right hand and moved her fingers over it. "This was the one he took from you?" she asked, looking up at him.   
  
He nodded. "The firm paid for it to be re-attached," he said. "It doesn't feel the same though." He brought his other hand up to cup her face and pulled her to him for a kiss.   
  
Buffy brushed her lips in return against his and sighed when she felt his hand slip underneath her top. She closed her eyes, determined to block all thoughts of Angel and what lay ahead from her mind, and just enjoy this night with him. She deserved that much.   
  
To be continued....   



	5. Part 5

TITLE 

TITLE: Crosses to Bear (Part 5/?)   
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker   
EMAIL: LaVelleBelle@aol.com   
RATING: R   
SUMMARY: In order to get Faith out of jail, Buffy agrees to be with Lindsey   
for a year, and Angel is about to find out who his favorite slayer is   
sleeping with...   
SPOILERS: Up to "Are You Now or Have You Ever Been" except Darla never   
returned.   
FEEDBACK: Yes please!   
DISTRIBUTION: This and the first four parts are at my site (   
http://www.ourowndestiny.com) and FINNatics. All others, please ask first.   
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.   
DEDICATION: To Jen'fr.   
  
  
  
It was fairly scary when Faith opened her eyes and couldn't remember where   
she was. For almost a year, she had memorized every groove and crevice of   
her prison cell's ceiling, and when she woke up, staring at a new one, it was   
daunting.   
  
She got up out of bed with a start, feeling the sheets fall away to bunch   
around her waist and she felt awkward automatically that she had slept with   
her clothes on. It was either that, or sleep naked, and she wasn't exactly   
comfortable enough here to fall back on those old habits.   
  
Of course, she could have taken her boots off before she hit the hay, but   
from the moment she laid back on that bed, despite the lumps and squeaks the   
old mattress afforded, she had drifted into slumber and somewhere in the   
middle of the night had moved her body underneath the warmth of the stale   
sheets.   
  
She slipped out of the bed, letting the blanket fall to the floor and she   
stretched her arms up, turning her body so her arm wrapped around the   
opposite shoulder, feeling the bones crack and settle comfortably. She   
switched arms and did the same again, then bent down and felt her back crack.   
  
  
She looked at herself in the mirror across the room and frowned. Angel had   
it easy. It was hard enough to deal with the things you've done, but to look   
at yourself in the mirror every day and hate the person you see reflected   
back made it even harder.   
  
She stepped closer, pulling her hair back and staring at the contours of her   
face. Without the usual protection of her dark makeup, she seemed vulnerable,   
and that wasn't a trait Faith liked to see in herself. Five years fending   
for herself while her mother was out getting drunk or getting laid had   
instilled a hardness in Faith and a self-reliance.   
  
Now, three years and one prison sentence later, she felt nothing but soft,   
weak, and very much reliant on a vampire she had tried to kill on numerous   
occasions. She liked the feeling that she knew she could trust him, but   
hated the feeling that she had to trust him with so much.   
  
She had been standing in front of the mirror for several minutes when the   
door knocked, the unexpected sound causing her to jump back a little. She   
laughed at herself; she showed no fear against vampires and demons, but a   
knock on the door caused her heartbeat to soar. Any smile on her face   
dissipated when she realized that there was a good chance that the person on   
the other side of that door was someone she owed apologies to.   
  
She nervously wiped the sweat from her palms on her jeans and crossed the   
room to the door, quickly taking a deep breath before she opened it.   
  
"Good morning Faith," Wesley said, his face void of any expressions at all.   
"Cordelia informed me you would be staying with us. I thought you might be   
hungry for some breakfast."   
  
Faith felt like all of the oxygen had been sucked out of her lungs. No   
matter how much she had tried to prepare herself for this moment, she knew   
when the time came; she wouldn't be ready. She opened her mouth to say   
something, but no words came despite the fact that her head was full of   
thousands.   
  
"Faith," Wesley said, moving inside the room past her. "I understand there is   
a lot that needs to be said between us."   
  
"Yeah," Faith said, instantly chiding herself for that being the first thing   
she said.   
  
"I will not pretend that things are not going to be comfortable between us   
for quite some time, if ever," he said, turning around to face her and Faith   
shrank when she saw the hurt and betrayal that now adorned his face. She   
closed her eyes and remembered the way she had looked when she cut into him;   
the cut she had made on his forehead, the way the blood dripped down into his   
line of sight. She opened her eyes again, trying to get rid of the image   
and, looking at Wesley, was instantly sure he was doing the very same thing.   
  
"I know. Look Wes," she started, her mouth open again but other words still   
failing her.   
  
"I wasn't finished," Wesley said. "While things will probably never be right   
between us, I have a duty to Angel to not only respect his wishes, but   
protect him from any harm. I intend to do both, you understand."   
  
"I wouldn't hurt him," Faith said defensively. "What Angel did for me-   
there's no one-"   
  
"That's where you're wrong, Faith. That's where you've always been blind,"   
he said, shaking his head. "I understand that this world and many of the   
people in it have done you a disservice but that does not mean that some of   
us haven't tried to make things right. We all reached out a hand to you only   
to have it slapped away. So you'll excuse me if your promise of not hurting   
Angel because he's done good things for you does not quite convince me."   
  
Faith nodded. He had no right to believe her and, in the same situation, she   
would have done the same. She had been burned too many times, and so had he,   
only in this case, both figuratively and literally. "I can't give ya   
anything but a promise for now," she began, finally feeling strong enough to   
continue. "I sat in prison for over a year trying to think of a way to make   
it right, but I don't know if there is one."   
  
"There may well not be," Wesley admitted. "But I'll appreciate your efforts   
and perhaps in time-"   
  
"Maybe ya'll trust me again?" Faith offered, feeling like this time hers   
would be the hand slapped away.   
  
"Perhaps," Wesley said, sighing. "Although I truly don't believe there's much   
of a chance of it, to be honest. I hope you can understand that.   
  
"Yeah," Faith said. "I gotcha. I'll try my best. I just hope that's enough   
for ya," she said, shrugging.   
  
"So do I, Faith," Wesley said, sighing. "So do I."   
  
They stood in silence opposite each other for another minute or two before   
Faith's stomach spoke up with a loud growl. She smiled, looking down and   
blushing a bit. "You said somethin' about breakfast?"   
  
"Yes," Wesley said. "Cordelia made french toast a bit earlier. Your plate is   
most likely cold by now, but we can always heat it up if you like."   
  
"Yeah. Sounds good," she said, nodding. "Thanks Wes."   
  
"You're welcome," he said. "I'll walk you down. One has a tendency to get   
lost in this place."   
  
"Yeah. Gotta feeling I'm gonna need one of those 'You are Here' maps," she   
said, smiling awkwardly at her admittedly bad joke.   
  
"Yes," Wesley said, nodding. "Perhaps. Shall we, then?"   
  
"Yeah," Faith said, walking past him and out the door.   
  
****   
  
Faith could smell the french toast before the kitchen was even in sight. She   
licked her lips, imagining what it would taste like to have something besides   
cold oatmeal for breakfast. It had been a while.   
  
She followed Wesley into the kitchen, her hands dug firmly in her pocket as   
she tried to brace herself for the next encounter.   
  
"Good morning Faith," Cordelia said, leaning back against the counter and   
folding her arms. She looked the slayer over from head to toe before finally   
saying, "You're about as pale as Angel."   
  
"Yeah. I wasn't big on yard time," Faith answered, trying to hide the unease   
she felt. "Always some bitch tryin' to put on a show. Got old quick," she   
said, shrugging.   
  
"Yeah, I just hate those people who hit you for no reason other than they're   
psychotic," Cordelia said sarcastically. "You know what I mean?"   
  
Faith took a deep breath. "Listen, I'm sorry," she said, looking over to   
Wesley who had moved to stand next to Cordelia. "I'm not gonna pretend like I   
didn't fuck up, cause I know I did. I fucked up so much I don't know how I'm   
ever gonna make it up. But I'll find a way. I swear it."   
  
Cordelia shrugged. "Whatever. Angel believes in you, and I believe in him. So   
we're fine as long as you don't go all Barber of Seville on us again."   
  
"I won't," Faith promised. "I know ya don't believe me..."   
  
"Like I said, I believe in Angel. I just hope you know there's a lot more at   
risk here than you," she said.   
  
Faith nodded. "I know."   
  
"And if you hurt any of us, I'll make you sorry you ever took that risk."   
Before Faith could respond, Cordelia turned around and grabbed a plate. "So   
I'll just nuke your breakfast for a few and you can dive in," she said. "You   
like french toast?"   
  
Faith smiled. "Yeah. Love it," she said, eyeing the plate as Cordelia placed   
it in the microwave. "Thanks."   
  
"Yeah well, don't expect it often," Cordelia said, grinning. "Wesley had to   
pay me to cook it."   
  
"You like french toast too?" Faith asked, turning to her watcher.   
  
"No," Wesley said, shaking his head. "I just knew you did."   
  
++++++++   
  
"Buffy," Lindsey said, running his fingers smoothly down the length of her   
arm as she slept next to him. The night before had been great, for two people   
who had been thrown together without any real emotional commitment, the sex   
between them had been surprisingly deep.   
  
He sighed, realizing she wouldn't wake up with just gentle words and   
movements. He leaned down and kissed the nape of her neck, loving the feel   
of his lips against her skin. They had been all over her the night before;   
Lindsey McDonald had always been one to give as well as receive.   
  
He turned onto his back and moved his hand to rest on his chest. Things were   
not simple in his life right now; more than anything he wanted revenge for   
what Angel had taken from him- more than just a hand but dignity. He knew in   
his heart that this was the best way to hurt Angel- to be with her.   
  
But part of him felt more guilty for what he had done to her than for   
anything else. Yes, she was a willing participant, but Lindsey was pulling   
the strings to make her one. She was doing it to save a friend, he was doing   
it to save some face.   
  
The phone rang, and, groaning, Lindsey rolled out of bed, feeling the cold   
air hit his naked body as he walked across the room to reach it before it   
could wake her.   
  
"McDonald," he answered, his voice low.   
  
"The time has come, Lindsey," the voice on the other end said. "Today is the   
day for new discoveries. Make it a good one." The man hung up.   
  
Lindsey smiled, putting the phone back down. Senior Partners weren't very   
loquacious.   
  
So today was the day. Lindsey expected that. With Buffy making contact with   
Angel the night before, the time was ripe for Angel to find out- no doubt the   
vampire's emotions were running high.   
  
"Who was that?" he heard Buffy groggily asked, and he put the phone down on   
the coffee table.   
  
"The office," he answered, walking back to the bed and feeling oddly   
subconscious strolling around nude. "Big day ahead of us," he said, sitting   
down next to her and moving the hair off of her forehead.   
  
"*The* big day?" Buffy asked, frowning.   
  
"Yeah," Lindsey said. "The one."   
  
"Great," Buffy said sarcastically, sitting up and pulling the sheets around   
her. "How long do we have?"   
  
"We'll need to get in contact with Faith- let her know where to be and when.   
We're aiming for around 7 PM. There's a Bloomingdales at the Beverly Center.   
We think it would be an ideal spot."   
  
"What time is it now?" she asked, brushing the sleep from her eyes.   
  
Lindsey turned to the clock on the wall. "Noon," he answered. "We slept   
late."   
  
"So we have all day," she said, moving past him, still keeping the sheets   
close to her skin. "I'm going to take a shower."   
  
"No," Lindsey said abruptly. "The uh- Senior Partners think it best if you go   
as you are."   
  
"In a sheet?" Buffy asked, sarcastically. "Is this a toga store we're going   
to?"   
  
"No," Lindsey said, sighing. "I mean, they think it best if you- don't   
shower."   
  
"Why would they care-" Buffy stopped. "Oh. That's cruel, Lindsey. I can't do   
that. He'll smell us."   
  
"That's the plan, actually," Lindsey said, looking down. "We think it would   
be an effective tactic."   
  
"Tactic," Buffy said, angrily. She shook her head. "I need to get out of   
here." She started to head towards the den when he called her back.   
  
"Buffy," he said. "Wait. You need to make the call."   
  
"The call?" she asked, looking back. "To Faith? Don't you think that will   
look like one hell of a coincidence?"   
  
"That's why we have this," Lindsey said, moving over to the night table and   
pulling a small electronic box from it. "It's a voice filter. You speak   
through this and you'll sound like some butch prison guard. Tell whoever   
answers that you need to speak to her regarding an incident that happened the   
night before she left with some inmates. When she gets on the phone, tell her   
the North entrance to Bloomingdale's at 8 PM."   
  
Buffy moved back to Lindsey, taking the box from him and trying it out. The   
voice that came out sounded like nothing she could have faked if she tried.   
"Fine," she said, looking at him. "I'll do this. But I don't want you to   
touch me tonight. Deal?"   
  
"Buffy-"   
  
"Deal?"   
  
Lindsey nodded. "Fine. Just make the call."   
  
Buffy took the phone and sat on the couch, fully aware of Lindsey who had   
moved to stand over her. She quickly dialed the Hyperion.   
  
****   
  
Faith had just swallowed her last piece of French Toast when the phone rang.   
She watched as Cordelia crossed the room to the cordless and answered it.   
"Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless."   
  
Cordelia stopped, listening intently. "Uh huh," she said. "Uh huh. Yeah,   
she's here. One second." Cordelia put her hand over the receiver. "Faith,   
some prison guard calling. Wants to get your take on an incident last night   
for their records." She stretched the phone out to the girl to take.   
  
"Uh thanks," Faith said, taking the phone. Fuck all if she could remember an   
incident. "Hello?"   
  
Faith's eyes grew wide as she listened to the voice on the other end.   
"Yeah," she said, moving across the room and starting a steady pace.   
"Ok....You sure?....and everything's OK? Uh huh.... Ok..... Yeah, I know....   
Alright," she said, finally hanging up and handing the phone back to   
Cordelia.   
  
"Some shit goes on at that prison," she said, swallowing nervously.   
  
"Everything's OK?" Cordelia asked, putting the phone down and moving to clear   
the table. "The Guard sounded nervous."   
  
"Yeah," Faith said. "Five by five." In reality, it was anything but.   
  
*****   
  
Buffy hung up the phone and turned to Lindsey. "She'll be there."   
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED....


	6. Part 6

TITLE 

TITLE: Crosses to Bear (6/?)   
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker   
EMAIL: NumfarGal@hotmail.com   
RATING: R   
PAIRING: Buffy/Lindsey   
SPOILERS: Up to "Judgment" but Darla never came back.   
SUMMARY: In order to get Faith out of prison, Buffy makes a deal to be with   
Lindsey for a year, and Angel is about to find out.   
FEEDBACK: Yes please!   
DISTRIBUTION: At my site (http://www.ourowndestiny.com) and FINNatics. All   
others, please ask first.   
DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.   
DEDICATION: To Jodi, who will probably never read this, but deserves to have   
stories dedicated to her anyway.   
  
  
++++   
  
The day had been restless for Angel. He had tossed and turned under the   
covers for hours, trying to find the sleep that eluded him so efficiently.   
He knew he needed the rest; he knew that he needed to collect himself and   
his thoughts before going out and facing everyone.   
  
Seeing Buffy the night before had been the last thing he had expected and   
the last thing he wanted. He had moved to LA so they wouldn't run into each   
other on patrol, and had done so nonetheless.   
  
He sighed, turning over onto his side and squeezing his eyes shut. He   
couldn't begrudge her being here; he didn't exactly own the city of Los   
Angeles, but he had hoped that she'd have more consideration for him than   
that. To move here was one thing, to move here to live with some new   
boyfriend was another.   
  
Truth be told, that bothered him more than anything. Of course, he had   
wanted her to move on, but apparently that was all she had done in the year   
and a half that they had been apart.   
  
First there had been the guy that Spike had told him about- the one that had   
used her. That wasn't even three months after he left town. Angel didn't   
even know his name.   
  
Then there was Riley. Riley Finn, that bland blond guy-next-door who, Angel   
hated to admit, was perfect for Buffy. He was the type of guy Angel had   
left so she could meet and he agonized that she had found him so easily.   
  
Angel had been hoping for at least a year to get adjusted to things before   
she found "the one". It had taken less than six months.   
  
He tossed the covers off him, angrily eyeing the clock, the time seeming   
more like an accusation. 6 PM. It wasn't even Dusk yet.   
  
Angel got out of bed, walking over to the chair where he had laid out his   
clothes. He would take a shower and hopefully the shock of the hot water   
against his cold skin would keep him awake. He picked up his clothes and   
headed to the bathroom.   
  
+++   
  
"Cordelia, would you pass me the Tagmarian Chronicle?" Wesley asked, looking   
up from his spot at his desk which was covered by ancient texts.   
  
Cordelia yawned. "Faith is closer. Ask her."   
  
"By mere inches," Wesley said, frustrated. He smiled weakly as Faith picked   
the book up easily and passed it to him. "Thank you Faith," he said, taking   
the book from her and dropping it as it passed from her hands to his. "Heavy   
book," he said, looking down, embarrassed.   
  
"Sorry," Faith said, laughing. "Shoulda warned ya."   
  
"Quite alright," Wesley said, opening the book and flipping through the   
pages.   
  
"So you sure you don't want me to take you shopping?" Cordelia asked,   
turning to Faith. "Angel isn't exactly Isaac Mizrahi, you know? You go   
shopping with him and you'll probably come back with a lovely assortment of   
black, black and black." Cordelia stopped, looking Faith over. "OK, so maybe   
Angel taking you shopping is a good idea."   
  
"Yeah," Faith said, looking down at her black tank top, black leather pants   
and black boots. "Thought I'd maybe add some color tho. Try somethin'   
different."   
  
"Yes," Wesley said, looking up. "Perhaps a nice shade of teal?"   
  
"Maybe," Faith said, shrugging. "Guess I gotta try it on first. Never really   
worn something like that before." She stopped, looking far off and   
remembering that day with the Mayor when she had tried on the dress for him.   
It had been a combination of light pink and white and Faith had felt like an   
idiot in it. But she never really got to wear it. A day later and Faith   
was in a coma.   
  
She sighed, putting her feet up on the desk and flipping through the book in   
front of her. She had spent the afternoon unpacking her things which,   
admittedly, weren't many. After four, she had made her way back down to the   
office and had promptly been put to work researching their latest case. It   
actually felt good to be part of something again and if paging through musty   
old books was a necessary evil, Faith was all for it.   
  
"Good Morning," Angel said, walking into the office and heading straight for   
the coffee.   
  
Faith eyed the clock. "It's 7 PM."   
  
"It's morning for me," Angel reminded her. "How is everything?" Angel looked   
at the three of them, trying to detect signs of distress. All he could sense   
was a general uncomfortableness.   
  
"Oh just dandy," Cordelia said, getting up and tossing the book she had been   
reading onto the desk. "Who knew reading boring old books could be so- well-   
boring?"   
  
"Well," Wesley said, removing his glasses and pinching the bridge of his   
nose. "Unfortunately, as we have no idea what our client is dealing with,   
research is in order until we ascertain that information."   
  
"Necessary evil," Faith said, crossing her legs. "I mean- I wasn't saying   
that evil is necessary or nothing," she added nervously.   
  
"It's alright Faith," Angel offered. "We know what you mean." He smiled   
reassuringly at her and she relaxed a bit. "So I hear we're going shopping?   
Are you sure you want me to go with you?"   
  
"Yeah," Faith said, nodding. "I just feel better with ya around, I guess."   
  
"OK," Angel said, checking his watch. "Do you want to go now?"   
  
Faith looked over Angel's shoulder to the clock on the wall. It was almost   
7:30. "Sure," she said, getting up and grabbing her jacket from behind her   
chair. "I was thinking maybe we could check out Bloomingdale's. I hear they   
have some cool threads there."   
  
"Bloomie's?" Cordelia said, looking up. "Are you sure you don't want me to   
come? Because I eat Bloomingdales for breakfast."   
  
Faith looked down nervously, unsure of what she should do. It was only   
supposed to be her and Angel- Buffy had made sure to mention that. "I was   
just thinkin' - I had some stuff I wanted to talk to Angel about," she said,   
looking up apologetically. "Private stuff," she added. "I'm sorry."   
  
"Oh," Cordelia said, turning the page of a book she had picked up. "Sure.   
It's fine. We can shop some other day. I know a nice vintage store down on   
LaBrea."   
  
"Sounds cool," Faith said, moving next to Angel. "See ya Wes."   
  
"Yes. Have a good time, Faith," Wesley said, smiling shyly.   
  
Faith smiled back, unsure of whether he was actually being pleasant to her   
or putting on a show for Angel. All day she had sensed that he was starting   
to let down her guards, but not too much. He still didn't trust her and she   
didn't blame him.   
  
After all, she was playing them. She knew what was going to happen at the   
mall. She knew she was part of a lie that was designed to take down the   
very man who was protecting her. She just hoped he was strong enough to   
withstand the heartache she knew would come.   
  
++++   
  
Buffy took a deep breath, sitting down on the fountain outside the   
Bloomingdale's entrance. She watched as Lindsey walked back and forth, his   
cell phone pressed against his ear.   
  
"Final plans," he had told her. She couldn't imagine what new ideas the   
senior partners had come up with. Next to fucking Lindsey in the middle of   
the fountain, things couldn't have been much worse.   
  
Lindsey shut his phone off, sliding it into his pocket. "We have to get   
ready," he said, moving to sit next to her. "It's 7:40 now. It's a safe   
assumption that they could arrive any moment now, so we should get into   
position."   
  
"Get into position," Buffy repeated, laughing sarcastically. "Are we going   
to make out or attack the Germans in World War II?"   
  
Lindsey sat down next to her, bending over and clasping her hands together.   
" I know this is going to be hard on you," he said, turning to her. "I'm not   
going to threaten you, but I think we both know how important to everything   
what we're about to do is. If you're not 100% convincing, and he calls it   
for what it is, this is all over."   
  
"Oh Gee, you mean I don't get to ruin the life of someone I love? I don't   
get to sleep every night with a man I despise?" she spat out angrily.   
  
"What about Faith?" Lindsey asked, feeling horrible for always having to   
play this card. He only wished she would realized that this was a decision   
she had made. "Buffy, I don't want her to go back to prison any more than   
you do."   
  
"Liar," she spat out, feeling the anger swell once more in her chest.   
  
"I don't," he said, sighing. "But Wolfram & Hart will throw her back in   
without a moment's hesitation. And I can guarantee you they will make life   
very difficult for her- even worse than it was before."   
  
"I thought you weren't going to threaten me?" Buffy asked, looking at him   
accusatorily.   
  
"I'm not," he said. "I'm just telling you how it is." He took her hand in   
his, flinching as she tried to pull away. "This is going to be the worst   
part, Buffy. If you get through this, it will get easier."   
  
Buffy closed her eyes, trying desperately to stop the tears that threatened   
to overcome her. Only a month ago she had been the Slayer- making a   
difference and saving the world. All she was now was a fake. A phony.   
Someone who would hurt one person to help another.   
  
"Tell me a joke," she said, looking up at Lindsey, who looked back at her,   
surprised.   
  
"What?"   
  
"Make me smile? Just get my mind off this so when they come I don't break   
down in front of them," she pleaded. "Please."   
  
Lindsey grinned. It had been a while since he had casually told a joke and   
found he had to struggle to remember one. "Clean or dirty?" he asked, a   
smirk on his face.   
  
"Dirty, I guess," Buffy said, letting out a deep breath. "If I'm going to   
spend the next half hour making out with you, I might as well try to get in   
the mood."   
  
"OK," Lindsey said, trying to think of a good one. "OK. You're going to like   
this one."   
  
"Let's hear it then. Times a-wasting," she said, turning to him and crossing   
her legs.   
  
"OK," Lindsey began. "So this woman goes to her doctor and she says,   
'Doctor, my husband has developed a penchant for anal sex. So I came to you   
for advice.'"   
  
"Oh- anal sex jokes," Buffy said, grinning. "Hope you're not trying to hint   
at tonight's activities, because-"   
  
"So anyway," Lindsey said, smiling and ignoring her comment. "So the doctor   
asks her if it hurts and she says, 'Yeah. A little.' So then he asks her if   
she likes it, and she admits that she actually does."   
  
"Keep going," Buffy said, grinning.   
  
"OK, so the doctor tells her that in that case, there's no reason why she   
shouldn't have anal sex- she should just be careful not to get pregnant."   
  
"You can't get pregnant from anal sex," Buffy said, giggling. "What quack   
joke are you telling me?"   
  
"Let me finish," Lindsey said, laughing. "So the woman looks at the doctor   
strangely and tells him she didn't think it was possible to get pregnant   
from anal sex. And you know what the doctor says?"   
  
"I have no idea," Buffy said, grinning.   
  
"'Of course you can. Where do you think all the lawyers come from?'" Lindsey   
finished, waiting for Buffy's reaction.   
  
He didn't have to wait long because before he could ask what she thought,   
she was doubled over in laughter. "Oh God," she said, trying to catch her   
breath. "I can't believe you told a lawyer joke."   
  
"Yeah well, they're what I hear the most," Lindsey said, taking her hand and   
watching as her chest rose and fell with laughter. "Feeling better?"   
  
"A little," she said, smiling at him. "Thank you. I needed that."   
  
"I think we both did," Lindsey said, moving her hand to his lips and kissing   
her fingers gently. He didn't want to press, but time was of the essence.   
"Buffy-"   
  
"I know," she said, nodding resignedly. She moved herself closer to him,   
their faces only inches apart. "Just hold me," she said, her voice soft.   
  
He pulled her close to him, his arms draping around her waist, his fingers   
making their way up the back of her shirt and connecting with her cool flesh   
as he pressed his lips against hers.   
  
Buffy moved her own hands to the back of his head, her fingers entwining in   
his hair as she pressed herself closer to him. She struggled to block   
everything out of her mind- to not keep one eye open to see when Angel and   
Faith arrived.   
  
"Lindsey," she said, moving her mouth from his lips to his neck, gasping as   
she felt his hands slide further up her back. "Slow down a little," she   
said.   
  
"Sorry," he said, moving his hands down her back and cupping the base. "Are   
you alright?" he asked, lifting her head with the palm of his hand.   
  
"Yes," she answered. "Just kiss me."   
  
Lindsey nodded, moving his lips to hers once more and kissing them tenderly,   
his hand moving to cup the side of her face. He deepened the kiss, feeling   
her hand rest against his chest, her fingers above the spot where his heart   
was pounding frantically.   
  
Neither of them even heard them approach.   
  
+++   
  
Faith fidgeted nervously as she and Angel walked into the mall. She was   
going over what Buffy had told her in her head. They wanted this to play out   
very specifically and Faith had her own role in this.   
  
As they walked past the smaller stores, Faith's eyes were transfixed by the   
Bloomingdale's sign at the end of the long corridor. She tried not to see   
the couple making out on the ledge of the fountain outside it. She tried not   
to watch Angel as he took in the stores. She tried not to wonder when he   
would see them and how he would react.   
  
They were only steps away and Angel still hadn't spotted them. She looked up   
at him and noted he had a peculiar look on his face. "Angel?" she asked.   
"What's up?"   
  
"I don't know," Angel said, looking at her. "I just feel strange." He looked   
up and it was then that he saw them.   
  
Faith took a deep breath and turned her gaze to the same spot. +Play's   
starting+ she thought. "Sonofabitch," she muttered, looking up to Angel.   
"Tell me that's not who I think it is."   
  
Angel, who only moments before had stopped dead in his tracks, was now   
racing towards them and Faith had to run to catch up. "Angel," she called   
out, and it was then that Buffy and Lindsey pulled away from each other and   
looked up.   
  
But Angel already had Lindsey by his collar and had pulled him up to meet   
the vampire's angry glare. "Get the hell off her," he spat out, his fingers   
curling so tightly around the fabric of Lindsey's jacket that they actually   
ripped through.   
  
"Angel!" Buffy said, getting up from where she was sitting. "Get a hold of   
yourself!"   
  
"What's goin' on B?" Faith asked, looking from Angel to the other slayer.   
"What the fuck you doing with this lawyer piece of shit?"   
  
"Faith," Buffy said, mustering every drop of disgust and disdain she had   
inside herself to utter the girl's name. "What are you doing out of prison?   
Shouldn't you be rotting in your prison cell where you belong?"   
  
"Don't turn this around Buffy," Angel said, moving past Faith protectively.   
  
"Always protecting her," Buffy said, her voice rising. "You're a fool.   
She'll stab you in the back the first chance she gets."   
  
Lindsey moved back to Buffy, taking her hand in his and squeezing it tight.   
"This could be one hell of a lawsuit on your hands Angel," Lindsey said   
smugly. "Harassment, physical assault..."   
  
Angel could feel his demon at the surface and, on any other occasion, he   
would have focused his energies on keeping it down. But at that moment,   
Angel wanted nothing more than to rip Lindsey's hand off again. He was   
touching her. His Buffy. And she smelled of him. He was all over her.   
  
"Angel, calm down," Faith said, putting a hand on the vampire's shoulder.   
  
"Get your hand off her," Angel commanded again, his voice nearly a snarl.   
"I'm only giving you this one chance."   
  
"Angel," Buffy said, her heart pounding in her chest. "You're not going to   
tell him what to do. You don't own me. I'm with Lindsey now," she said,   
stepping up to him. "And if you touch him again, it'll be your hand that   
comes off this time."   
  
Angel looked at her, confused. "You know about him? About the things he's   
done and you're still with him?"   
  
"I knew about the things you'd done, Angel," Buffy said angrily. "You've   
done much worse than him but I loved you anyway."   
  
"He's worse than me," Angel said, his hands balling into fists. "I may have   
killed, but at least I have a demon as an excuse. What does he have to   
blame- corporate drive?"   
  
"You know what? We are not having this discussion because it really doesn't   
matter what you think, Angel. I love him," she said. "And you can just go to   
hell."   
  
Buffy moved to Lindsey and took his hand again. "Let's go." They moved past   
Angel and Faith. "Stay away from me," she muttered to the two. "I mean it."   
  
"You know what B?" Faith said, smirking. "I'll stay away from you. I had   
enough of the whores in prison."   
  
"Fuck you Faith," Buffy said, walking past her.   
  
Lindsey pulled Buffy to him, his hands around their waist as they walked   
away. "Just a few more steps," he whispered to her, feeling her whole body   
tremble against him.   
  
"Get me out of here," she begged him, trying not to hear the sounds of rage   
from behind her, trying not to hear the smashing of glass just a few feet   
back.   
  
To Be Continued.....


	7. Part 7

Crosses to Bear Part 7 TITLE: Crosses to Bear (7/?)   
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker   
EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com   
RATING: R   
SUMMARY: Buffy's with Lindsey to get Faith out of prison, and Angel just found out. Uh oh.   
PAIRING: B/L   
FEEDBACK: I do the dance of joy upon receipt of feedback.   
DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.   
DISTRIBUTION: At my site, Our Own Destiny, and all the usual suspects. Anyone else, please ask first.   
DEDICATION: To Moe, for always feedbacking me so kindly, and to Jenfr, who told me to put this ahead of more site work.   
NOTE: Sorry it's been so long! I'll try to be better. Also, I might be sending this out to new lists, so all previous parts can be found at http://www.ourowndestiny.com   


  
Kate walked past the collection of shattered glass in front of the Bloomingdales entrance and watched as several policemen took reports from dazed onlookers. She had been working at her desk when the report came in over the radio, and she knew it was him; there had been no doubt, even though his name had never been used. 

They had described him as approximately 6 feet, 2 inches, dark brown hair, long overcoat. They had briefly told of the incident at the mall; how the man had smashed several of the storefronts; how he threw two security guards against the wall as if they had weighed no more than a bag of feathers. They had described how he had escaped almost unnoticeably, and how no one had seen him since. 

Kate had no doubt in her mind that it was Angel who had turned this stretch of the mall into a mosaic of glass and cops. But what interested her the most was the one sentence that kept repeating in her head as if on some type of loop: "Suspect was seen with a young brunette, approximately age 18." 

Kate knew there was a very good chance that the girl described was Cordelia Chase; she usually followed Angel around on whatever case or escapade he was fixed on, but a memo which had found itself on her desk this morning made her think twice. Faith O'Neal had been released from prison the night before. Kate had stared at the memo for a good ten minutes before it had sunk in; Faith's confession had guaranteed that the Slayer would serve at least 10 years in prison before they even thought about letting her out. So how the fuck was she out less than a year after her arrest? 

After only 10 minutes of researching an answer, Kate had found it: Wolfram & Hart had, out of the blue, gotten her off on a technicality. It was their usual trick when they were up to no good- spring some low life free so they could perform some service for the firm- that service usually being one Kate would be forced to investigate the next day. 

"Pat," Kate said, walking over to the lead investigator and hoping the lunch she had sprung for the other day had greased the wheels she was about to take out for a ride. "What's your take on this?" she asked, watching as a cleaning woman came over to begin to sweep up the glass now that the investigation seemed to be wrapping up. 

"Lockley," Pat said, looking her over. "Well, unless there's been some massive breakdown in communication, this isn't a domestic disturbance case, which means I really don't have to answer your questions." 

"Come on Pat," she said, taking a step to him as he began to walk away. "Look, let's just say I have a personal interest in this case." 

"You seem to be having a lot of those lately," he commented, closing his book and tucking it in his pocket. "Seems if I think about it, I can remember a certain detective getting in trouble for letting you in on an investigation where you didn't belong a few months ago." 

Kate sighed. "Listen, O'Donnell got out of that one with no more than a slap on the wrist. Now if my gut is right about this, I have a feeling I know whose behind this, and I think I'm the only one who can stop him." 

"Angel, right?" Pat said, shaking his head. "I don't know if you want to stop him so much as to put him behind bars or to fuck him up against them." He laughed, looking at her as she frowned. "Come on Lockley. You know I can't talk to you about this." 

"Damnit Pat," Kate said, feeling the anger inside her threaten to overflow. "From what I heard over the radio, you have a man smashing a good portion of the mall over an encounter with an unidentified female. Now you and I know it went beyond just a domestic disturbance, but if anyone sees you talking to me about it- well, it's pretty easy to explain. We just play dumb." 

"I'll have to play," Pat corrected her. He sighed, seeing she wasn't about to give in. "You know, you better watch out, Kate. A lot of us still like to watch out and protect you for your Dad; but then again, a lot of us are getting just a little sick and tired for how much you're making us do it." 

"Save me the speech," Kate said, crossing her arms. "Just tell me what you know." 

"You're a real bitch sometimes, you know that?" Pat said, taking a toothpick from his pocket and popping it in his mouth. 

"I count on it," Kate said, smiling. "So?" 

Pat laughed, and after a moment, went on. "Suspect fits your Angel's description, but from past experience, we know he can be a bit hard to nail." Pat smiled. "Guess you figured that out too, hon? Doesn't like the blondes so much anymore?" 

"Fuck off," Kate said, brushing his remark to the side. "What else?" 

"Well, security camera shows a couple of old friends," Pat said, spitting the toothpick out and smiling. "Lindsey McDonald was with the unidentified blonde the fight was over," he said, shrugging. "Not much we can do about that one. Those boys are untouchable." 

"And the girl? The brunette?" 

"Do I even need to tell you? By the look on your face, you know already." 

"Faith?" Kate asked, and she cursed when he nodded. "Not even out of jail for a day, and already she's a material witness in a major crime." 

"Major crime?" Pat said, looking around. "Kate, come on. Wake up. We have some vandalism here, and nothing more." 

"Assault against police officers? Harassment? Come on, Pat. It's a bit more than damage to public property." 

"Kate, give it up. My gut's telling me this case isn't going to go anywhere besides the bottom of the chief's birdcage." 

"Yeah well," Kate said, her tone angry, "my gut's telling me that something big is going down, and this is the time that I'm going to nail him once and for all." 

"Well, a girl's gotta hold onto hope, huh?" Pat said, laughing as he turned away. "Shame what happened to you, Lockley. You used to show promise." 

Kate watched him as he walked away, her hands shaking with anger. She hated being treated this way; hated being regarded as a joke. More than anything, she hated having her father and his legacy thrown in her face. It wasn't much of a legacy now that Kate knew the truth. If she could just get that one arrest she wanted so badly- Angel's- she knew that respect would replace the ridicule- and that maybe she could be proud again of being a Lockley. 

++++ 

"Angel," Faith said, running to catch up to the vampire who hadn't spoken to her in blocks. He had left his car in the parking lot of the Beverley Center, something she had tried to tell him wasn't smart when fleeing a crime scene, but he didn't seem to care. Or maybe he didn't seem to hear. Either way, they were walking back to the Hyperion, which she knew was quite a few miles away. 

"Fuck," she said when he once again did not answer her. "Angel, cut the shit," she said, putting all she had into her strides so she caught up to him. "Talk to me," she said, pulling on his arm, and not surprised when he quickly swatted her away. 

"Leave me alone," he retorted, stopping to look down to the spot Faith had fallen to. He sighed, cursing himself as he leaned down to help her up. 

"I got it," Faith said, shrugging his outstretched hand away and jumping to her feet. "You're a real asshole when you're pissed, you know that?" she said, stretching the shoulder she had fallen on. 

"I didn't mean to," Angel said, but the memory of what had spurred him into this fit of rage returned and he growled as he turned away. "You shouldn't be around me right now," he said, starting to walk briskly from her again. 

"Shit Angel," Faith said, catching up to him again. "You're like a fucking little kid with this act. So B's fucking Lindsey? You know he'll just hurt her, and she'll come running back to your arms. Isn't that how these little soap operas usually turn out?" 

Angel hurried his steps as he felt his demon moments away from emerging. Hearing Faith talk about what he just discovered- he didn't need that; he didn't need any reminders. He could still see her lips on his, his hand slipping underneath her shirt to places where he had touched; to places which he longed to touch again. 

"Faith," he said, his teeth grinding against each other almost painfully. "Take a cab," he said, not looking at her but instead hurrying on. 

Faith sighed, getting a little tired of this. "Where ya gonna go, Angel?" she asked, not letting him be rid of her. She looked up at the street signs and sighed. "Oh, yeah. That's real smart of you and all - heading to Wolfram and Hart. Boy, I bet they won't see you coming," she said sarcastically. "You're playing right into their hands, Angel. Figured you were smarter than that." 

"Faith, I'm warning you," he said, turning to her suddenly and showing her his demon side had finally emerged. "Leave me alone." 

Faith frowned, their faces merely inches apart as she stared into his eyes, seeing his demon stare back. "Never figured you to be so pussy whipped," she said, not even flinching as he growled again. "Now you spent a lot of time preaching to me in prison about the dark," she said, putting her hand on his chest. "You gonna fall that easily back into it? Thought I had a better teacher than that." 

"It's not that easy," Angel said, turning his face downward. 

"You're tellin' me," Faith said, letting out a small laugh. "Lemme show you something," she said, taking a step back. "See this?" Faith said, lifting her shirt up to reveal her torso and a scar that slashed across it. "One hell of a parting gift," she said, running her fingers along it. "Kinda makes it hard to wear halters." She smiled, watching Angel eye it. "Not too much of a turn on, huh?" 

"Faith," Angel said, feeling his game face dissolve into his human one. "You and I both know-" 

"Yeah," Faith said, lowering her shirt. "I know. I deserved it. But it doesn't make it any easier when I see B- knowing she did this to me, and I have to eat shit and grin every time I see her." 

"So you're saying I deserve this?" Angel asked, feeling his skin start to crawl as he wondered if she was right. 

"We deserve this and more," Faith said, laughing. "I mean, isn't that what you told me once? Something like the road to redemption is rocky and full of shit that's destined to kick our ass because we deserve it?" she said bitterly. "You're gonna let a shit like Lindsey McDonald kick you off your path?" 

Angel sighed, feeling his temper start to come down from its high. He knew she was right, knew that he couldn't let this push him over to that dark side he always been sure not to step over the line into. "He was touching her," he said, his voice low. 

"Yeah, and he's probably off fucking her right now," Faith said, sighing. He looked up at her, angry. "Yeah," she continued, "he's probably between her legs right now giving it to her good." She smiled. "Buffy always did like it hard, didn't she?" 

Angel grabbed Faith, pushing her back hard. "Why the hell are you saying this? You think I like to hear it?" 

"No," Faith said, shrugging out of his grasp. "You just have to learn to deal with it, Angel. It's not gonna go away. Better to hear it here then somewhere else. Get used to it. Cause if you're gonna let those assholes get to you, you can throw my ass back in jail cause I'd rather see the bars every day than that." 

"I'm starting to think I liked you better when you were in jail," Angel said, turning away. 

"Cause you know I'm right," Faith said, shrugging. "That's all it is. You just need to sleep this off and deal with it tomorrow. I can tell you anything you do tonight is just gonna be all fucked up." 

"Like hurting you," Angel said, turning back to her. "I'm sorry." 

Faith rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I think I can deal with being manhandled by you, Angel. You just need to calm down." 

Angel nodded. "I just-" 

"Yeah," Faith said, sighing. "I got it. It hurts to see her with someone else. Especially a piece of shit like McDonald. Nothing's gonna change tonight, Angel. So just go home, suck some rat dry and sleep it off." 

"I don't actually keep the rats anymore," Angel said, sighing as they started to walk back to the hotel. He didn't want to talk about it anymore- it was bad enough to hear it in his head; he didn't need it verbalized anymore by Faith. But he was grateful to the Slayer for talking him down. If he had made it all the way to Wolfram and Hart's offices- he didn't want to think what would have happened. 

+++++ 

Lindsey closed the door behind Buffy as she silently walked into his apartment. He had expected her to break down as soon as they left the mall, but she had done the exact opposite. 

She had gotten into his car without saying a word, and stared out at the road for the drive home, not looking at him or anything else but the two lanes in front of them. He had glanced over to her several times and tried to get her to talk to him, but she wouldn't. 

He had started to worry when she turned to him and asked if they could pick up some Taco Bell for dinner. "I'm hungry," she had said, and Lindsey had to smile. Of all the things he had expected her to say, that and an order of 2 hard tacos, a Chalupa and some Cinnamon Twists was not one of them. 

He turned his car in the direction of the nearest Taco Bell, and flipped on the radio now that the silence seemed to be broken between them. "I love this song," he said, as "Outside" by Staind came on the radio. "You like it?" he asked, turning to her, but she didn't answer- and it had been like that since. 

He watched as she sank down into the couch, opening the bag of tacos and taking out a Chalupa. He looked at her quizzically as he threw his jacket down onto the arm of the couch and took a taco from the bag as well. "You like Chalupas, huh?" he said, sitting down next to her and trying to get her to look at him. She wouldn't. "They're good. Kinda like the best of both worlds with the hard and soft shell." 

He unfolded the wrapper, watching her do the same. She seemed almost to be in a trance; not hearing what he was saying or seeing what he was doing. He frowned at her. "Buffy?" he asked, and she responded by taking a bite out of her Chalupa. He called her name again, and she still didn't respond. 

He took a deep breath, cradling his head in his hands as he tried to figure out what to do. She was acting so strangely- he didn't know how to deal with her. He turned to her, taking her arm and shaking her. "Buffy. Come on. You need to talk to me," he said, his voice forceful. 

He shook her for almost a minute before she turned to him and smiled; a smile that made Lindsey's stomach turn over. "Yes?" she said, turning her body to his. She put her food down on the table in front of her and folded her hands in her lap. "Did you want something?" 

"Buffy?" Lindsey asked cautiously. "Are you alright?" 

"Of course," Buffy said, not even blinking. "Why wouldn't I be?" Her smile widened. "Is there something I can do for you, Lindsey?" She pushed herself closer to him, her hand reaching out to touch his thigh. 

Lindsey shook his head. "What's going on Buffy? You're acting really strange." 

"Hmm," Buffy said, taking a deep breath and moving closer to him, her hand now making its way up his chest. "Come on Lindsey," she said, her voice breathy. "Don't you want to fuck me?" 

Lindsey swallowed hard, her hand, her voice, her everything having a very nice effect on him. But he knew this wasn't right- something about her wasn't right. He pushed her hand away. "Buffy, you know you don't want that." 

"Don't I?" she asked, leaning in to kiss him, her teeth biting down lightly at his bottom lip as she pulled away. "Come on, Lindsey. What do you want to do to me? You know I'm yours," she said, her hand moving down his body now, achingly closer and closer to his crotch. 

Lindsey sighed, part of him wanting to give in- to take her right there on the couch. He had never been with anyone as good as her- and she had never acted this sexual with him before. But the other part- the part that was left of the Lindsey McDonald of Oklahoma who used to help his mother bring in the wash every day- told him that this wasn't right. 

He got up suddenly, looking down at her with disbelief. "Buffy, what's going on?" he asked again. "I know you don't want this." 

"What does it matter?" Buffy said, spitting the words out angrily, her mood changing so suddenly that it shocked Lindsey. "I'm your whore. What does it matter what I want?" 

"Buffy, you're not my whore," Lindsey said, his voice shaking as he watched her stand up and face him. 

"Aren't I?" Buffy asked, moving towards him again. "You think I would have ever fucked you if there wasn't something in it for me? Huh, Lindsey? You think I would have ever let you taste me if I had a choice?" 

Lindsey frowned, turning away. He didn't want to hear this- didn't want to be a part of this. 

"Oh don't worry Lin," Buffy said, moving with him as he crossed the room. "I'm your little whore for 11 months and 13 days still. Want to know the hours? 3 hours, Lindsey. Minutes?" Buffy looked at her watch. "23. So come on, Lindsey. Use your little whore while you still have a chance." 

Lindsey turned back suddenly, grabbing her arms and shaking her. "Stop it Buffy," he said, his fingers digging into her flesh. "I don't want to hear it. You're not my goddamn whore." 

"Aren't I?" she asked, her voice starting to shake. "Isn't that what I am now?" 

"No," he said, shaking his head and loosening his grip. "You're not," he said. 

"I don't know," Buffy said, the tears finally coming. "I don't know what I am anymore." 

Lindsey held onto her, feeling her sink against his chest, her body racked with sobs. He stroked her hair gently and walked her over to the bedroom. 

Once she realized what she was doing, she looked up at him, confused. "Lindsey?" 

"You can sleep alone tonight. I'll take the couch," he said, opening the door and letting go of her. "I'll be right in there if you need me." 

Buffy nodded, looking at the empty bed, and back to him. She wiped the tears away and took a deep breath, watching him walk back to the living room. "Lindsey?" she asked, wrapping her arms around herself. 

He turned back to her, concern etched in his eyes. "Buffy?" 

She opened her mouth to say something, but quickly closed it. She was going to ask him to just lie with her; to just hold her, but somehow she knew she couldn't let him get that close. She shook her head, watching him look at her with concern. 

"Nothing," she finally said. "It was nothing." 

He nodded, heading to the couch. "Good night," he said, sitting down on the couch and cleaning up the mess of uneaten food in front of him. 

"Good night," Buffy said, closing the door to the bedroom behind her. 

To Be Continued.... 


	8. Part 8

Crosses to Bear Part 8 TITLE: Crosses to Bear (8/?)   
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker   
EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com   
RATING: R   
SUMMARY: Buffy's with Lindsey to get Faith out of prison, and Angel just found out.   
PAIRING: B/L   
FEEDBACK: I do the dance of joy upon receipt of feedback.   
DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.   
DISTRIBUTION: At my site, Our Own Destiny, and all the usual suspects. Anyone else, please ask first.   
DEDICATION: To all who feedbacked. Thank you, and I'm sorry I'm so slow in getting this out.  
  
  
  
Faith felt hung over, but without the pleasantries of getting drunk first. She rolled out of bed, her head pounding unbearably. She looked at the alarm clock on the side of her bed, and was frustrated when she saw it was only 9 AM. She had gotten back to her room around midnight, and hadn't been able to fall asleep until almost 4. 

She had tossed and turned angrily, her sheets tangling this way and that as she thought of what had just happened. 

Angel was about to burn Los Angeles to the ground because of her. Angel was about to jump onto a nice wooden fence because of her. Angel was suffering because of her. As she walked over to the bathroom, slipping her clothes off her body and to the floor as she did so, she felt the need to scream. She couldn't forget that everything that was happening was because of her. 

She had deserved her time in prison. She could have been locked up for another 10 years, and Faith knew that it was what she had coming to her. The thing she had done... Faith sighed, opening the door to the bathroom and stepping inside. She deserved it all. What she didn't deserve was a second chance- especially not at Buffy and Angel's expense. 

She had considered just confessing everything to Angel and letting herself be thrown back in jail once Wolfram & Hart got pissed off that she had let the cat out of the bag. She had even opened her mouth to say it once or twice. But she didn't. She couldn't. She wasn't sure what would hurt Angel more- going through what he was now, or knowing that Buffy was hurting him intentionally; knowing that she was teaming up, for whatever reasons, with the bad guy; knowing that Faith knew exactly what was going on and didn't say a thing. Faith sighed as she turned on the water full blast, and stepped into its burning spray. She was the bad guy too now. Again. 

She bit her lip and punched the wall. She couldn't let him know. Not ever. 

+++++ 

Cordelia poured Wesley another cup of coffee, and raised her eyes to the ceiling. "So. What's your take on it?" 

"On what?" he asked, taking the mug from her and taking a sip. He winced. "Sugar please?" 

"Oh yeah," she said, picking up the container and passing it to him. "On what? On Angel. You saw him when he came in last night. He looked like someone just told him they had made brooding illegal." 

"He did seem rather upset," Wesley said, nodding as he spooned sugar into his drink. 

"Upset?" Cordelia shook her head. "He looked like he was going to rip the heads off of chickens or something." 

"You suspect something happened last night?" he asked, his eyebrow raised. 

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I know something did. And Angel is going to be all silent movie over whatever it is." 

"Actually," Wesley began, taking off his glasses. "Actors in silent movies were quite skilled. They didn't speak, but their emotions told the whole stor-" He stopped, looking at Cordelia and her look of disapproval. His glasses went back on. "Yes. He does tend to keep things to himself. So we may assume it's something personal?" 

"I'm guessing. I mean, he would have told us if it was a demon thing, right?" She moved around the desk and plopped onto the seat opposite Wesley. 

"I suppose." He put down his coffee and stared at her. "Do you wish me to speak to him?" 

"No," Cordelia said, getting back up and walking towards the stairs. "I'll do it. You'll probably just wimp out and let him get away with 'I'm fine.'". 

"I would not," Wesley said defensively. "But perhaps it's best. He seems to open up to you more than any of the others." 

"Yeah well, that's because I don't let him get away with anything," she said, shrugging. "Well, cover me. I'm going in." Cordelia walked up the stairs, determined to find out what was bothering Angel- this time. 

+++++ 

Angel couldn't sleep. He hadn't even bothered to try. He knew from over 200 years of experience that when he got like this, it was pointless to even pretend that he could rest. Instead, he had spent the night pacing his room, balling his fists, and trying to control himself from going out and bashing Lindsey McDonald's face in. 

He tried to read, which was usually how he passed the time, but found he couldn't concentrate on the words on the page. In the end, he had wound up sitting on his bed, his back against the bedframe, staring out blankly at the four walls surrounding him. 

He wasn't surprised when he heard the knock at his door. He knew he couldn't hide anything from Cordelia, and he also knew that it was pointless even trying to. She was one stubborn young woman and, as he opened the door to find her with one hand on her hip, he realized- equally as perceptive. 

"Cordelia," he said, as she walked past him and into his room. "Can I help you with something?" 

"Yeah, just try playing dumb with me," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes. "So do you want to tell me what's going on or do I have to beat it out of you?" She turned back to him, smiling. "Cause that would be kind of fun." 

Angel sighed. "Cordelia, I don't really want to talk about it right now." 

"Well, that's fine," she said, shrugging. "Fine if I cared about what you want. Fortunately for me, I only care about what you need. And you need to talk about whatever it is that's making you go all maudlin on me. You haven't slept all night, have you?" 

"I'm a vampire, Cordelia. It's not unexpected." 

"Don't even try it, Angel. I know you. And I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on." She sat down on his bed and crossed her legs. "And don't even think about leaving the room. You know I'll just follow you." 

Angel smirked, remembering his visit to Sunnydale years ago. Riley had fallen for that trick. He could have dealt with Riley. Lindsey was- He sighed. Lindsey was someone he wasn't able to handle Buffy being with. 

"It's Buffy," Angel said, sighing. "She's in town." 

Cordelia groaned. "Oh God. I should have known. It's like 'Young and the Restless' whenever she comes around. What happened this time?" 

"She has a new guy," Angel said, gritting his teeth. "I found them all over each other at the mall." 

Cordelia sighed, patting the spot on the bed next to her. "Come here," she said. "I think we need to have a talk." 

Angel knew what was coming, but sat down anyway. Again, he was reminded that it was pointless to argue with her. "Cordelia, it's not what you're thinking." 

"Angel, I'll tell you what I'm thinking. I'm thinking you said you wanted her to move on, but you really didn't. But you know it's best. She should be seeing other people and hey- if she can find someone willing to deal with her freakish existence, well- I'm happy for the girl. But you can't be going all jealous boyfriend when you see her with someone new, cause really- you're just the jealous ex now." 

"Uh huh," Angel said, humoring Cordelia as she finished her speech. "You're right. And normally, I'd agree." 

"OK, well that's a start," Cordelia said, shrugging. "But why isn't this normally?" 

Angel laughed bitterly. "Because this time the guy who had his hands all over her was Lindsey McDonald." 

Cordelia's eyes grew wide as she registered what he said. "Hands? But I thought-" 

"Two of them," Angel said, nodding. "Seems Wolfram & Hart has good health insurance. Which is good, cause he'll need it when I rip off the next limb." 

"Angel!" Cordelia said, getting up. "Listen, I get why you're upset, but you can't go all Angelus on me now. You know that's what they want." 

"Yeah," Angel said, balling his fist tight. "But her- I don't understand what the hell she's doing." 

"Well," Cordelia said, smiling. "You have seen Lindsey, right? The man is nothing if not hot." She saw the look he was giving her and instantly wiped the smile from her face. "And evil, and bad," she added. "I'm just saying- I can see why." 

"And the fact that he's evil? She's excusing that how?" he asked, his voice angry. 

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I mean, it's not like she's never fallen for the wrong type of guy before," she said sarcastically. "Maybe the whole bad boy thing turns her on. Maybe she things she can redeem him." Hell, I don't know. Maybe he's just good in bed." 

"Cordelia," Angel said angrily. 

"I know, I know. I'm not helping," she said, sitting back down. "Did you talk to her? Did she say why?" 

"I didn't handle it too well," Angel admitted. "I don't know if she's going to want to talk to me." 

"Oh," Cordelia said. "Well, maybe you should call Giles. See if he knows what's going on." 

"Yeah," Angel said. "I'll do that. I just don't know what she must be thinking." 

+++++ 

Buffy had slept better than she expected. She had cried for hours before finally dozing off, and surprisingly, her night hadn't been full of nightmares. 

When she woke up, alone in their bed, she was surprised to see it was after 1 PM. She sighed as she sat up, tugging the sheets close to her chest as she stared at the door. She didn't want to get up, didn't want to go out there. She wanted to just forget that the last month had ever happened, but she couldn't. Especially after seeing how Faith looked last night. 

The Slayer had looked happy. Of course, she could tell that Faith was as uncomfortable with the whole "game" as she was, but she could tell that underneath, a part of Faith was happy to be free, no matter what the cost. Buffy didn't blame her. She felt the same way- no matter what she was doing to Angel; it was worth it to make things up to Faith. 

She couldn't have explained it to anyone- how she had regained her trust in Faith. Willow or Xander would most likely have explained that people rarely change- and certainly not as drastically as Faith seemed to. But Buffy just knew somehow that things were different. That Faith was, in fact, good. She had to fix things and make them right. 

She got up out of bed and walked towards the door, nervously patting down her hair which seemed to be flying in every direction. She wasn't sure she was ready to face Lindsey again after her meltdown last night, but she didn't exactly have a choice. No matter what he said, she did, for all intensive purposes, belong to him for the next year. 

She opened the door and was surprised to find the apartment empty. "Lindsey?" she called out, but she received no answer back. She sighed, heading for the refrigerator and hoping to find some orange juice inside. She opened the door, and was about to reach for the container when she heard the door knock. 

She closed the refrigerator door and turned around, frowning. She wasn't sure if she should answer it- it was either someone she didn't know or someone she wasn't ready to see and deal with yet. 

She walked over to the door, leaving the chain on as she opened it. "Yes?" she asked as she looked through the opening. Her stomach dropped. 

"Hi," Kate said, raising her badge so Buffy could see it. "I'm looking for Lindsey McDonald." 

"Oh," Buffy said, her hands shaking behind the door. "He's not here. I'm sorry." 

"Ah," Kate said, looking at the girl. "Would you mind opening the door? I'd like to ask you some questions." 

Buffy swallowed hard, unsure of what to do. She doubted Lindsey wanted her talking to the cops, but she doubted he wanted her arrested either. 

She nodded, undoing the chain and opening the door wide. Kate looked her over. "The unidentified blonde, I presume," she said, walking into the apartment. 

"Excuse me?" Buffy said, a little taken aback that Kate had just walked inside without asking if it was alright first. 

"That little scene at the mall last night," Kate answered, looking around the room. "The one Lindsey and Angel had over you." 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Buffy said, trying to keep her voice from wavering. "Excuse me, but I thought you said you wanted to ask me questions, not make accusations." 

Kate smiled. "Oh come on. You know you could confess the whole thing to me now, and McDonald would have you out within the hour." 

"He's good like that," Buffy said, standing up straight. She wasn't going to let this woman get to her. 

"Good in a bad way, I suppose. You do know what your boyfriend does during the day, don't you?" 

"Yeah, and I know what my ex-boyfriend does during the night. What's your point? Do you really think you're telling me something I don't already know?" 

"Your ex?" Kate asked, confused. She looked at the girl again, trying to place her, and then suddenly it clicked. Her hair was straight now, not wavy like she remembered. "Ah. And suddenly things become clear. You're Buffy." 

"That I am," she answered. "So really, I don't need the Cliffs Notes version on Lindsey and Angel. And I'm not going to tell you anything." 

"Aren't we unpleasant?" 

"Well, the last time I checked, you were about to incinerate Angel," Buffy said, her hands on her hips. 

"Ah, and we're so protective of Angel, are we? I suppose that's why you're fucking his enemy?" 

"I don't think that's any of your business," Buffy said, her anger rising. 

"When there are crimes committed because of it, it *is* my business," Kate said, crossing her arms. 

"I think you should leave now," Buffy said. "I don't know why you came here. You had to know you wouldn't find anything out." 

"I beg to differ," Kate said as she headed for the door. "I found out quite a lot. Nice seeing you again, Buffy. Tell Lindsey I'll be in touch." 

Buffy didn't bother answering, and instead slammed the door in her face. She took a deep breath as she leaned back against it. This wasn't something she had expected, and she wasn't exactly ready for it. 

She headed back to the kitchen, her hands shaking as she wondered if she had dealt with it the right way. 

To Be Continued.... 


	9. Part 9

Crosses to Beart Part 9 TITLE: Crosses to Bear (9/?)   
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker   
EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com   
RATING: R   
SUMMARY: Buffy's with Lindsey to get Faith out of prison, and Angel just found out.   
PAIRING: B/L   
FEEDBACK: I do the dance of joy upon receipt of feedback.   
DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.   
DISTRIBUTION: At my site, Our Own Destiny, and all the usual suspects. Anyone else, please ask first.   
DEDICATION: To Moe and all who feedbacked. Thank you.   
  
  
  
  
Gunn had been off on his own for a while, and he thought that was best. His allegiance to Angel Investigations had been wavering for months, and if he hadn't have left when he did, he was sure he would have never come back. 

He arrived at the Hyperion for the first time in nearly three months, and as soon as he walked through the door, he could tell something was different. He walked into the lobby, smelling eggs and bacon coming from the kitchen. 

"Y'all didn't have to cook me a welcome home breakfast," Gunn said, pushing the door to the kitchen open and stopping short when he saw a strange brunette sitting at the table, pushing forkfuls of food into her mouth. "Uh. Hi?" he asked, looking around. 

Faith put down her fork and finished chewing as she looked him over. She figured this was the Gunn that Cordelia had given her the lowdown on, but neither of them thought he would ever come back. "You Gunn?" Faith asked, wiping her hands on her pants and standing up. 

"That's me," Gunn said, nodding. "Who are you?" 

"I'm Faith," she said, crossing her arms. "You probably heard of me- the psycho bitch slayer who tried to kill everyone?" Faith raised her eyebrows as a look of recognition crossed Gunn's features. "Yeah, I figured." 

Gunn's body tensed up as he looked around the room and saw no one else there. "Where is everyone? What's going on?" 

"Ah," Faith said, nodding. "I know what you're thinking. I sliced and diced, right? Staked and swept up Angel?" 

"You tellin' me you didn't?" Gunn asked, crossing his own arms as he stood opposite Faith, trying to figure out what was going on. Despite knowing what his instincts should be telling him, they were fairly dormant at the moment. 

"Nah," Faith said. "That got old. I got busted out of prison by Wolfram & Hart for reasons unknown. Angel's putting me up while I readjust to freedom and sanity." 

"Yeah, he's cool like that," Gunn said. "So where is everyone?" 

"Oh, Wesley went to go get some new old book," Faith said, shrugging. "And Cordelia's up chatting with Angel. He had one hell of a night." 

"What happened?" Gunn asked, sitting down in the seat across from the one Faith had returned to. 

"You know Buffy?" 

"Not personally, no. But I got the basic information. Big love, big loss, big drama, big bore? That pretty much cover it?" Gunn asked, grabbing a piece of bacon from Faith's plate and popping it into his mouth. 

"Pretty much," Faith said, smirking. "Well, seems B's in town, shacking up with Lindsey McDonald. Angel found out and-" Faith stopped, shrugging. "Let's just say he handled it badly." 

"How much damage?" Gunn asked, crossing his arms. 

"Let's just say the bloom is off of Bloomingdales," she answered. 

"Man," Gunn said, laughing. "Vamp sure has problems controlling his emotions." 

"Yeah well," Faith said, grabbing her plate and bringing it over to the sink. "Can't say I blame him. I wanted to smash things when I saw them together." 

"Yeah? You got a thing for Buffy too?" Gunn asked, grinning as he got up and moved over to her. 

Faith laughed. "Me and B? Yeah. That would work until we got in a fight over who was the butch." She shrugged. "Just made me want to hit something seeing her fucking with Angel's mind like that." 

Faith held her breath in, turning away from Gunn for a moment. She was already so tired of playing this game, and she knew it was only the beginning. "Anyway," she said, turning back. "I'm gonna go see what's goin' on with the two of them. Wanna come with?" 

"Nah," Gunn said, shaking his head. "I'll wait around for Wes. Think I should work my way back to the group through him." 

"Yeah well, I doubt they're gonna turn you down. Hell, they got the psycho slayer working with them now, remember? Not like they're being exactly picky." 

Gunn smiled. "I guess. Nice meeting you Faith." 

"Yeah," Faith said, moving past him. "See ya later." 

+++++ 

"OK," Cordelia said, handing Angel the cordless. "Call him." 

Angel took the phone and held it for a moment. "Are you sure I won't just come across as a jealous boyfriend? I mean, calling to check up on her?" 

"You have a point." Cordelia sighed. "OK. Give me the phone. I'll call. Been a long time since I've talked to Giles anyway." 

"OK," Angel said, handing the phone back and pacing the room as Cordelia began to dial. 

"God, you're like a nervous nelly!" Cordelia said, exasperated. "No one's picking up." 

"Try the Magic Box," Angel suggested. "That's where he works now." 

"Oh right," Cordelia said, hanging up the phone. "What's the number?" 

"I don't know," Angel said. "Try calling information." 

Cordelia sighed as she walked away from Angel, dialing 411. Angel turned towards the door, and was surprised to see Faith standing there. "Faith," Angel said, "Good morning." 

"Morning," Faith answered, walking into the room. "So what's going on?" 

"We're calling Giles," he said, crossing his arms across his chest. "Maybe he knows what's going on." 

"You know what's going on," Faith said, sighing. "You just want to know why. And you think Giles is going to be able to tell you what Buffy's thinking?" 

"I don't know," Angel said. "Probably not. But he has to know something about what's going on." 

"Yeah, I guess." Faith shrugged. They both turned back to Cordelia, who was walking towards them, the phone still pressed to her ear. 

"Do you know Anya is working there too?" 

"Anya?" Angel asked. "Who's she?" 

"Former vengeance demon. Supposedly granted a wish of mine that made Willow and Xander vampires and got everyone, including myself and you," she said, pointing to Angel, "killed. And in a big way." 

"Hey. At least you weren't killed in the little way then," Faith said, smiling. 

"Oh. I think I met her when I went to Sunnydale last Thanksgiving. She's Xander's girlfriend," Angel said. "That's Anyanka?" 

"Well, not anymore. Just Anya now. Anyway, she's working at the- Hello?" Cordelia said into the phone. "Xander? Is Giles there?" 

Cordelia paced the room as she talked. "England? What's he doing there?" 

Angel leaned against the wall, watching Cordelia. 

"But I don't get it. Why did she do that?" She looked to Angel, her eyes growing wide. "Wow. And you guys didn't try to stop her?" 

"Sounds like there's a back story," Faith said, leaning next to Angel. 

"Sounds like," Angel agreed. 

"OK. She's here, you know? She's shacking up with a notorious baddy.... No. Not a demon- a lawyer," Cordelia said, grinning. "Yeah, I don't know what's worse either." 

"Funny," Faith said. "Kinda insulting to the vamps tho." 

"Alright," Cordelia said. "Let me talk with Angel and we'll call you back." She sighed. "It was nice talking to you again, Xander. And Anya?" she said, laughing. "Nice choice." She smiled. "See ya." 

Cordelia hung up the phone and turned to Angel and Faith. The smile faded. "Well," she said, sighing. "Do I have a story to tell." 

+++++ 

Lindsey could hardly concentrate on the pile of work in front of him. He would pick up his pen, or the phone- but his mind wasn't functioning correctly. All he could think about was last night. 

He had loved the look on Angel's face when he saw him and Buffy together. In that one moment, it was almost worth it to get his hand cut off. If you asked Lindsey, Angel had all this coming to him. 

But Buffy did not, and although he hardly knew the Slayer, he couldn't help but feel guilty as he remembered her breaking down in front of him. 

He sighed as he threw a file across his desk. She was a pawn. He knew that. He remembered that- he had to. If he lost track of that, he was in trouble. He couldn't let himself feel anything for her. 

"Getting a lot of work done, I see," a voice said from the doorway. 

Lindsey looked up. "Holland," he said, leaning back in his chair. "Just going over the next phase of the plan in my head." 

"The next phase is going to need a little tweaking," Holland said, walking into Lindsey's office and closing the door. "Seems there's been a bit of an unplanned circumstance." 

Lindsey sighed. This couldn't be good if it meant Holland Manners was visiting Lindsey's office when he should be out golfing with demons and warlocks. "Such as?" 

"Detective Kate Lockley," Holland said, sitting in the chair across from Lindsey. "An old thorn in our side. Seems she wants to get Angel almost as much as we do. She's been sniffing around like a bloodhound. Even stopped by your apartment about an hour ago." 

"Is that so?" Lindsey said, sitting up. "Did she talk to her?" 

"Oh yes," Holland said, smiling. "Your slayer held up quite well. Kind of a fiery one, isn't she?" 

"I guess," Lindsey said. 

"Yes, well she seems to be doing much better after last night's little drama. Really Lindsey, I thought a man like yourself would have taken advantage of last night's little opportunity." 

Lindsey shifted uncomfortably in his seat as realization set in. "You have my apartment bugged?" 

"Of course," Holland said, smiling. "We have to know what's going on at all times. Quite a set of lungs on that one, huh? I'm surprised you can get an 'Oh God' in edgewise." 

Lindsey had to bite his tongue. It wasn't his place to say anything to Holland, as much as he wanted to. "So what do we do about Kate?" 

"Well, we'll come up with a solution soon enough. For now, just let Buffy know to do exactly what she did today if Kate should attempt to speak to her again." 

"And what exactly did she do?" Lindsey asked, curious. 

"She outbitched her," Holland said, grinning. "Really, I wasn't sure it could be done. I'm impressed." He stood up, walking to the door. "And Lindsey?" Holland said, turning back. "Try and get some work done today." 

Holland walked out of the office, closing the door behind him. As he walked down the corridor, he couldn't help but smile. He just loved seeing Lindsey squirm. 

To Be Continued.... 


	10. Part 10

TITLE: Crosses To Bear (10/?)

AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker 

EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com 

RATING: R 

PAIRING: B/L 

SUMMARY: Buffy is with Lindsey for a year to get Faith out of jail, and Angel's recently found out. 

FEEDBACK: I do the dance of joy upon receipt of feedback. 

DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant Enemy own all. 

DISTRIBUTION: All the usual suspects. All others, please ask first. 

DEDICATION: To all who feedbacked, because it means so much to me. 

Angel and Faith stood next to each other, both looking to Cordelia and waiting for the girl to share the information that she had just received from Xander over the phone. 

They watched as the Seer paced in front of them, obviously trying to find a way to tell the story. "So," she finally said, turning to them and stopping. She fidgeted nervously before starting again. 

  
"Sometime today?" Angel asked, exasperated. 

"Gee, for an immortal, you sure are impatient!" Cordelia retorted. "Look, maybe we should get Wesley so I only have to go through this once?"   
  
"He's not here," Faith said, shrugging. "Out getting some book or something. Gunn's downstairs tho."   
  
"Gunn?" Angel asked, genuinely surprised. "He's back? I didn't think he would."   
  
"Neither did I," Cordelia admitted, smiling. "So listen, let's go downstairs, kiss and make up with Gunn, and then I'll tell the Buffy saga."   
  
"I'm not kissing him," Angel said, grinning. It felt like a nice change from the last 24 hours, and he could tell that he wasn't the only one who noticed it. Both Faith and Cordelia automatically looked relieved. 

"Well, neither am I," Faith replied. "We barely know each other. I'll just settle for pinchin' his ass." 

"I'm sure he'll enjoy that," Cordelia said, moving past them and walking out of the room. 

Angel smiled uncomfortably and followed her out the door. Faith stayed behind a moment, leaning against the doorframe. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. This was taking more strength than she had. 

++++

  
Wesley and Gunn had been catching up over a cup of coffee when Cordelia came bounding down the stairs, a large smile plastered across his face. It only hit Gunn then how much he had missed them; how despite all his misgivings, this was his family now- his home. 

"Cordelia," Gunn said, placing the coffee mug back down on the table and walking over to her. "You're lookin' good. Haircut?" 

"Gee, you noticed," Cordelia said sarcastically. She had chopped a good six inches off a few weeks before. "So where have you been?" she said, punching him lightly on the arm. "We've missed you!" 

"I've been around," Gunn said, shrugging. He looked over Cordelia's shoulder and watched as Angel, with Faith right behind, walked down the stairs. "Nothin' I really wanna talk about, if that's OK."   
  
"Gunn," Angel acknowledged. "Good to see you again."   
  
"Yeah," Gunn said, nodding. "Hope it's OK that I'm back?" 

"Of course," Angel replied. He stepped closer, his voice low. "Just let us know if you decide to go off again." 

"Ain't gonna happen," Gunn said, his face resolute. "I figured out where I'm supposed to be." 

"Good," Angel said. He moved over to Wesley and leaned on the counter next to him. "You actually came back at a good time. We have a lot to go over."   
  
"The whole Buffy thing, right?" Gunn said, moving to the chair and sitting down. 

"Buffy?" Wesley asked, confused. He looked around the room and saw that he was the only one who looked surprised. "Ah, I see I have some catching up to do." He smiled awkwardly. "You leave for months and know what's going on. I leave for an hour, and feel quite ignorant." 

"I just told him, Wes," Faith said, crossing her arms. "B's in town."   
  
"Ah," Wesley said, nodding. "So should I take that to mean that we have a fierce enemy to face?" He looked around the room again and could tell that wasn't the case. "Yes, I fear I need to be walked through this one."   


"Actually, it's about to be the Cordelia Storytime Hour, so you got here just in time," Cordelia said, sighing. She started to pace the room, trying to figure out how to begin. 

"Maybe I should start," Angel said. He folded his arms. "I ran into Buffy patrolling a few nights ago. I hadn't seen her in months. She told me she had broken up with Riley and that she was living in LA with someone new. She didn't tell me his name," Angel said, gritting his teeth angrily. 

"Ah," Wesley said. "I see."   
  
"It goes beyond that," Angel responded. "This isn't just me being jealous."  
  
"Well, a little bit," Cordelia added, and flinched at the angry look Angel shot her. "Oh come on! Admit that just a LITTLE bit of it is you being jealous."   
  
Angel ignored her and continued. "I took Faith shopping last night for some clothes, and I ran into her and her new-" Angel stopped, the word not wanting to come. 

"Boy toy," Faith finished for him. "They were all over each other and Angel lost it." 

Wesley's eyes grew wide. "What exactly happened?"   
  
"Lindsey McDonald," Cordelia went on. "He's her new boyfriend. Angel saw them, nearly re-ripped his hand off. Instead, he decided to trash the Bloomingdale's wing."   
  
"Isn't that like a high crime to you, Cordy?" Gunn asked, grinning. 

"Ha ha," Cordelia said sarcastically. "We have bigger problems than the destruction of a beloved stretch of mall."   
  
"And what's that?" 

  
"Something's up with B," Faith answered. "She knows who and what he is, and she doesn't seem to give a shit. That's not the Saint Buffy I knew." 

"She knows who he represents? What he's done- and she's still with him?" Wesley asked, and Cordelia nodded in response. "No, that's not like Buffy at all. Have we called Giles?"   
  
"I just got off the phone, except Giles just moved back to England a week ago," Cordelia said, picking a pen off the desk and starting to pace the room again as she continued. "Seems Buffy's had a falling out with the little Scooby Gang."   
  
Everyone leaned closer as Cordelia continued- this was new information to everyone but her. "It started a few months ago. Everything was fine. Buffy was just ga-ga over Riley, and she was even back training with Giles. Then, all of the sudden, she starts to distance herself from the group."   
  
"Did something happen?" Angel asked. 

"Not that they know of," Cordelia responded. "It was like she woke up one morning and said 'I feel like being an enormous bitch.'" 

"One morning?" Faith asked, grinning. The group shot her a look that wiped it off her face. "Sorry. Old grudge."   
  
"Anyway, so they're all trying to figure out what the hell's going on with her when she starts cutting her ties. She dumps Riley," Cordelia says, shooting a look to Angel and not surprised to find him trying to suppress a smile. "She drops out of school. She starts giving everyone the cold shoulder. They're trying to figure out what's going on with her when she lets them know she's moving to LA."   
  
"I can imagine Giles didn't take that news very well," Wesley said. 

"Yeah. You can put it that way. They had a whole big blowout- all of them. They couldn't understand how she could just up and leave Sunnydale. Lots of monster mojo still going on, right? She tries to explain it by saying that she needs to grow, to change, blah blah blah and she can't do that there. No one's buying it. So she storms out, heads to the train station and Giles catches up to her there. He tries to talk her out of it, but she doesn't see what the big deal is considering LA is just another Hellmouth. He forbids her to go-" 

"That doesn't work," Wesley said, smiling. "I've tried it."   
  
"Yeah well, he didn't fare much better. She flipped out, told him that if they couldn't support her that she didn't want to know them. And she left," Cordelia said, shrugging her shoulders. "She hasn't called any of them. They don't know where to get in touch with her and they had no idea she was shacking up with Lindsey. They're swamped in monsters now that word got out that the Slayer's AWOL. Xander's not too happy with Buffy right now and, believe me, that's saying a lot." 

"That doesn't sound like Buffy at all," Angel agreed. 

"Well, she has run away before," Cordelia reminded him. 

"Yeah, after she sent me to hell," Angel replied. "She wouldn't just leave without something of that magnitude happening to her." He sighed. "And you're sure nothing went on that caused her to leave?"  
  
"Not that they know of. Any of them," Cordelia said.

"I don't know," Faith said, shrugging. "I kinda get why she did it. Same reason I had a hell of a hard time in jail. Slayer's not meant to be kept in one place too long. Jail- Hellmouth- cages. No matter how you look at it."   


"That would work if I thought she was telling the truth about why she left Sunnydale," Angel said, moving across the room. "I'm not buying it."   
  
"So what do you think?" Gunn asked. "You think she's gone rogue?"   
  
"I don't think so," Angel answered half-heartedly. "I need to see her again."   
  
"I'm thinking she may not be too happy about that," Faith said, smirking. "I don't think I've ever seen B look so pissed."   
  
"Well, someone needs to talk to her," Angel said. "If she won't talk to me-"   
  
"I'll do it," Wesley volunteered. "It's been a long time since I've seen Buffy anyway."   
  
Angel nodded. "OK. Just- try to get her to talk about why she left. What she's doing here. How the hell she hooked up with Lindsey in the first place." 

"I'll try," Wesley said. He looked at his watch. "Perhaps I can talk to her before Lindsey returns from the office. She'll no doubt be staying at his apartment?"   
  
"Probably," Angel agreed. "I don't know if she'll be there, but you might as well try."   
  
"What are you going to do?" Wesley asked.   
  
"I'm going to go see a friend." He looked to the Slayer. "Faith, you're coming with me."   
  
+++++

Lindsey's apartment was too neat for Buffy's liking. 

She had lived there over a month now, and any mess that she made was cleaned up by the maid the next morning. 

She couldn't help but be sloppy; Wolfram & Hart's little rule was that, unless instructed by them, she was not allowed to go out in public without Lindsey. So most days, she was stuck inside. They had suggested reading and working on their plan, but she usually wound up gorging herself on Cheetos and watching people embarrass themselves on Jerry Springer. 

She laid back on the couch, her feet dangling from the end as she flipped through the channels. Nothing remotely interesting was on, and Buffy's mind began to wander. She had called Lindsey after her argument with Kate, and he assured her that she had handled it wisely. 

She could tell he was worried about her. His tone was lower, his words measured and carefully considered. She had assured him that she was alright, but she could tell he didn't believe it any more than she did. 

When the doorbell rang an hour later, she was sure that Kate had come back to shake her up some more. Instead, she found a teenager carrying a large bouquet of flowers. 

The card was simple, and as Buffy's eyes glanced over the words, she felt both uncomfortable and comforted at the same time. "Thinking of you," it read, and then Lindsey's name underneath. She smiled as she carried the flowers over to the sink and filled the vase with water. 

It was a beautiful arrangement, and very thoughtful. But she couldn't escape the sneaking suspicion that perhaps there was more to the twisted relationship she and Lindsey had besides control. And she wasn't quite sure how exactly she felt about that.  
  
She decided to try to block everything from her mind and straighten up before Lindsey got home. She set the flowers on the dining room table and brought the dishes from lunch over to the sink. She was about to break out the Brillo when another knock came from the door. 

"Maybe he got me a pony," Buffy said, laughing as she walked over to the door. She could just imagine the same teen, holding the reins on a beautiful black Caspian. She had read somewhere how rare and expensive they were, so she figured it to be just the type of thing Lindsey would get for her. 

She smiled as she opened the door, trying to imagine where they would keep such an animal. When she saw Wesley standing there, the smile quickly melted away. Shock and surprise took over, and more than a hint of nervousness and fear. 

"Hello Wesley," she said, taking a deep breath. 

TBC....

  



	11. Part 11

TITLE: Crosses To Bear (11/?)

AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker 

EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com 

RATING: R 

PAIRING: B/L 

SUMMARY: Buffy is with Lindsey for a year to get Faith out of jail, and Angel's recently found out. Wesley's gone to talk to Buffy. 

FEEDBACK: I do the dance of joy upon receipt of feedback. 

DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant Enemy own all. 

DISTRIBUTION: All the usual suspects. All others, please ask first. 

DEDICATION: To Moe for so many reasons. 

Lindsey's office was eerily silent. He had worked on the few cases he had for hours, mulling over briefs and affidavits, and finding it very hard to concentrate. 

His eyes kept drifting over to the telephone and wondering why she hadn't called. The florist had confirmed that her flowers had been delivered a half hour ago. The teen that brought them inside his apartment even confirmed that she had looked happy to receive them. 

  
But his phone didn't ring. 

He had picked up the receiver to call her several times, only to quickly hang up. The flowers were a necessary move. She was losing strength and focus, two things she needed if this plan was to work. The flowers were a strategic move, not a romantic one. He had to remember that. 

He was putting the finishing touches on his opening speech for the next morning when Holland walked in. As always, he ignored the courtesy of knocking and breezed in without a word. 

"Holland," Lindsey said, half acknowledgment, half questioning. Lindsey was still a little put off by their brief meeting earlier, and was hoping to put off any further meetings until the next day. He stood up to face the man. "Something I can help you with?"   
  
"Sit down Lindsey," Holland said, seating himself in the chair in front of the lawyer's desk. "I know you're in a rush to get back, but there have been some changes."   
  
"Changes?" Lindsey asked, letting himself sink back down into his seat. He didn't like the sound of this, and knew it most likely wasn't good. "Has something else happened?" 

"Not quite," Holland answered, leaning over and picking up a letter opener from Lindsey's desk. "Your Slayer has another visitor, but we're monitoring their conversation closely. Should something be revealed- Well," Holland said, sighing. "We'll just have to step up our plans, won't we?"  


"Who?" Lindsey asked, leaning back and reclining in his chair.   
  
"Wesley Wyndham-Pryce," Holland said. "Not to worry. One way or the other, things will work out with regard to that. But that's not what I came here to discuss."   
  
"It's not?" Lindsey asked, letting the chair return to its upright position. He leaned forward. "Then what is it?"   
  
"I've talked to the Senior Partners about the Lockley issue," Holland said, letting his fingers run along the blade of the opener. "Something needs to be done, you understand. We've grown tired of her snooping around in our affairs."   
  
Lindsey watched Holland play with the letter opener and closed his eyes. "You want her killed?"   
  
"Oh no," Holland said, and when Lindsey's eyes reopened, he saw a smile there. "My enemy's enemy is my friend, Lindsey. She can be a valuable ally. We just need to gain some control over her."   
  
"And how do you suggest we do that? She can't be bought," Lindsey said, closing his briefcase and placing it next to his chair. 

"I was thinking of something quite different," Holland answered. "She's really quite beautiful, don't you agree?"  
  
"She's not bad," Lindsey admitted. "Could use a little makeup."  
  
"Yes, but beautiful, you must admit. Certainly too beautiful to be so alone- to be so lonely."   
  
The lights suddenly went on inside Lindsey's head, and all he could say was "Oh." He stood up, moving the chair out of his way and began to pace the room. "You want me to seduce her."  
  
"Yes, well. You seem best at it. And you two do have a history," Holland reminded him. 

"I gave her information on Angel once. I hardly think that constitutes a history." Lindsey stared out the window at the night sky beyond it. He took a deep breath. He knew it was useless arguing. If Holland came to him with this, it was more than a suggestion- it was a command. "And what about Buffy?" Lindsey asked, turning back. 

"What about her?" Holland asked, putting the letter opener back on Lindsey's desk. "You'll still live with her, still play the part. You'll tell her, of course. We can't have Angel surprising her should he find out." 

"Of course," Lindsey said, swallowing hard and hoping Holland didn't notice. 

Of course, he did. "Something wrong?" he asked. 

"No." Lindsey shook his head. "I just think I'm getting the flu bug."   
  
Holland laughed, and got up from his seat. "Of course," he said, and Lindsey could tell the man didn't buy it. "She's on duty tonight, but she'll be free tomorrow. She likes to drink alone at a certain bar on Highland. I'll forward you the information tomorrow morning."   
  
"Fine," Lindsey said, picking up his briefcase and walking past Holland. 

Holland reached out and grabbed his arm. "Is everything alright, Lindsey? Not having wavering loyalties again, are we?"   
  
"Not at all," Lindsey answered, staring the man straight in the eye. "You don't have to worry."   
  
"You know how important this is-"   
  
"I'll do what I have to do," Lindsey interrupted. He smiled, walking out the door. "And I'll enjoy it," he said, slamming the door behind him once he was sure that Manners had heard him. 

+++++  


"Buffy," Wesley said, nodding as he stared at the blonde slayer in front of him. It had been over a year since he had seen her, and he was amazed by how much she had changed. 

Of course, the Buffy he had last seen at Graduation was mature. She was tough as nails as she fired him and told him to "get a job." And that he had. 

But she seemed world-weary now, yet still holding on to that air of youth that always lit up her face when she smiled. 

"May I come in?" he asked, his tone low.   
  
Buffy stared back at Wesley, equally taken in by the changes her old Watcher had gone through. Gone was the sniveling Brit in a suit with slicked back hair that had forced her to keep a log of all vampires slain. Gone was the arrogant man who thought she would back down once he had forbidden her from doing something.   
  
For a moment, she was unsure of what to do. Would Lindsey want an ally of Angel's in his apartment talking to her about what she knew would come? But they had gone over any and all possibilities, and this was one of them. "Play it cool," Lindsey had told her. "Don't give anything away."

She stood there silently for another moment before nodding. "Sure," she said, opening the door wider and gesturing for him to come inside. "Lindsey will be home soon, so we should make this quick."   
  
Wesley walked past her, his eyes scanning the apartment and looking for some clue as to what was going on. Everything looked neat, with feminine touches here and there. He even spotted a chest full of weapons tucked in the corner in the shadows. All Buffy's touches, he suspected. 

"Thank you," he said, turning back to her. "Are you sure this is alright? I don't want Lindsey to be upset with you."   
  
Buffy shrugged. "It's my apartment too. Besides, I can catch up with old friends if I want to."   
  
"Friends?" Wesley asked, smiling at the suggestion. He knew that they had been anything but, but he still liked the idea of it. "Ah, well. I just want to be sure you'll be alright."   
  
Buffy sighed. "Oh, I see. What, you think I'm some kind of indentured servant? I have to do what my Master says or else I get punished?" She shook her head. "It's not like that, Wes."   
  
"I'm sure it's not," he said, moving to the couch and sitting down. She followed, and the two sat next to each other in silence. "So," he began, looking to her. "Then what is it like?"   
  
"He sent you here, didn't you?" Buffy asked, sighing. 

"Of course," Wesley admitted, smiling. "Did you expect any less?"   
  
"Well, after watching Angel go crazy and attack my boyfriend last night, I'd say I expected a lot more." She smiled. "No offense."   
  
"None taken," Wesley said. "Buffy, he's worried about you. He reacts so badly because he doesn't understand how you can be with someone like Lindsey."   
  
Buffy groaned. "Do you think he really *wants* to understand?"   
  
"No," Wesley said. "But I do. I worry about you too, Buffy. I know I'm not your Watcher anymore, but I was once. And, admittedly, I did a horrible job. I failed you, Buffy. But I've changed since then, and I want to try to make it up to you. Do you understand?"   
  
Buffy held in her breath, understanding far too well wanting to make up past wrongs to someone. She was here, sitting opposite Wesley and lying to him, for that very reason. 

She looked away; closing her eyes and wondering what Faith was doing at this very moment. Before Lindsey had come to Sunnydale with his offer, she would do this for hours; trying to imagine where she was and what she was doing. In Sunnydale, she would imagine the worst, but here- here she would imagine the best. And that made it all worth it. 

She turned back to Wesley after another moment and smiled. "Wesley, I appreciate that. But if you want to make it up to me, you can explain to Angel that I'm a big girl now. I can make my own decisions. And I can't help who I love."   
  
She smiled at Wesley and took his hand. "I do. I love him, Wesley. I can sit here and try to explain it, but I can't. Anyone who can is probably not really in love, you know?"   
  
"I suppose," Wesley said, squeezing her hand. "I'll tell him, but I can't help that I'll continue to worry."   
  
"I know," Buffy said, nodding. "I guess you heard what happened with Giles."   
  
Wesley nodded. "None of them understand why you left, Buffy. They're all incredibly hurt."   
  
"I explained it to them," she said, looking down. "I explained that this was what I needed to be happy. And if they can't allow that, then-" Buffy sighed, releasing her hand from Wesley's grip and standing up. "Then to hell with them."   
  
"Buffy, you can't mean-" 

"I don't," Buffy said, sighing. "God, of course I don't. I just don't want to know anyone who can't respect my choices. And if Angel won't-"  
  
"I can tell you now he never will," Wesley said. "Do you honestly expect him to? Lindsey represents everything that we fight against. He's put our lives in danger time and time again. He can't be trusted," Wesley pleaded. 

Buffy stood up angrily. "I trust him," she said. "And you should trust me."   
  
"I'm sorry Buffy. I don't. Not on this." 

"Then you're no longer welcome here," she said, moving towards the door and angrily yanking it open. "I thought you said you wanted to make things up to me. You have a hell of a way of doing that."   
  
"I won't be making it up to you by lying to you. By pretending that I'm not scared for you."   
  
"You were scared for me when I dated Angel and now you trust him. Why is Lindsey any different, Wes? Cause Angel tells you so?" She laughed. "I guess you haven't changed as much as I thought you did. Still following orders."   
  
"Buffy-"   
  
"Get out," Buffy said, her voice firm. "And tell Angel that he can go to hell. Again."   


Wesley walked past her and out the door. She didn't even allow him a chance to say anything in response as she slammed the door closed. 

"Damnit," Wesley said, cursing himself as he walked away. He didn't mean for things to go so badly. 

And, more than anything, he dreaded going back to Angel Investigations and letting Angel know that what Buffy felt was real, and that there seemed to be no talking her out of it. 

  
TBC... 


	12. Part 12

TITLE: Crosses To Bear (12/?)

AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker 

EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com 

RATING: R 

PAIRING: B/L 

SUMMARY: Buffy is with Lindsey for a year to get Faith out of jail, and Angel's recently found out. 

FEEDBACK: I do the dance of joy upon receipt of feedback. 

DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant Enemy own all. 

DISTRIBUTION: All the usual suspects. All others, please ask first. 

DEDICATION: To Jodi, for giving this a chance. Thank you hon. 

Buffy couldn't sit still. It had been an hour since she kicked Wesley out of her apartment, and she couldn't get her hands to stop shaking. 

Seeing Faith and Angel again had been hard enough, but there was a purpose to it. They were part of the plan, part of this new world she had created for herself. 

Wesley was not. Wesley was a throwback to the Buffy she used to be; the Buffy of Sunnydale who would never do what she was doing now. 

He reminded her of the last of her innocence that she had lost through this all. 

She paced the apartment, tidying up the mess she had made throughout the day and waiting for Lindsey to come home. She checked her watch constantly even though she knew he didn't have a set schedule. Some nights he would come home at 6, others after midnight. She suspected that if she weren't around, he wouldn't come home at all some nights. 

She was dusting the countertop when she heard his key in the lock, and her hand stopped mid-wipe to watch him enter. 

"Hey," he said as he walked through the door, his tie loosened and his blazer draped across his right arm. 

"Hey," she said back, her heart beating fast. She still had to tell him about what happened with Wesley, and he didn't look like he was in the best of moods. "Long day?" She looked to her watch. It was after 7. 

"Not really," he said, throwing his jacket onto the couch and heading for the cabinets behind her. He passed her without speaking and opened the doors to reveal a bottle of scotch. "Want some?" he asked her, reaching over for a glass and filling it half way. 

"No thanks," Buffy said, shrugging. "Alcohol and me are not a pleasant combination. Trust me."  
  
Lindsey nodded, and moved over to the couch. "Buffy, we need to talk."   
  
"Talk?" Buffy asked, following him across the room and sitting in the chair across from him. "Yeah. I guess we do. Something happened after we talked last."   
  
Lindsey raised the glass to his lips and took a quick sip, enjoying the burning feeling that snaked down his throat. He looked around the room and noted the flowers on the dining room table. "I see you got them."   
  
"Oh," Buffy said, her eyes gazing at the arrangement. "Yeah. They're- they're great."   
  
"You didn't like them?" Lindsey asked, cupping the glass and staring at her. "Is that why you didn't call me?" 

"I was supposed to call?" she asked, looking embarrassed. "God, I'm sorry. It's just- I've never really gotten flowers before." She stopped, looking down at her hands. "Well, once." She cleared her throat, looking up uncomfortably. "But they weren't exactly the kind you called to thank someone for." 

"What kind of flowers were they?" Lindsey asked, confused. 

"The preview to your death kind," she said, sighing. "Angel sent them to me when- well, when-" She looked away. "Well, you know."   
  
"Yeah," he said, leaning forward and taking her hand. "I know." They stared at each other for another moment before he leaned back and raised the glass to his lips for another drink. "So what happened then?"   
  
"After he sent me the flowers?" Buffy asked, confused. 

"No. After I sent you mine," Lindsey said. "You said something happened." 

"Oh," Buffy said, nodding. "Yeah. Seems I was quite the popular girl today. I mean, first Kate came to see me-"   
  
Lindsey flinched, but continued to listen. 

"-and then Wesley stopped by," Buffy finished. "He knows about what happened in Sunnydale- why I left. I mean, why I said I left." 

"We figured that would happen," Lindsey said, putting the drink down in front of him and sitting back. "You remembered what I told you about the possibility of one of Angel's partners coming to see you, right?"   
  
"Stay cool. Don't give anything away," Buffy repeated. "And I tried, but-"   
  
"But?" Lindsey asked, sitting up quickly. "What happened?" His head started to swim as he imagined all the different things that could have gone wrong.   
  
"I didn't give anything away, Lindsey," Buffy said, getting up and beginning to pace the room again. "But I lost my cool. He started to question you and tell me that you weren't good for me, and I got upset."   
  
Lindsey took a deep breath and felt his pulse begin to slow. For a moment, he thought it was all going to end, and that scared him for more reasons than he would like to admit. One in particular... 

"It's alright," Lindsey said, getting up and moving to where she stood across the room. "As long as you didn't give anything away."   
  
"I didn't," she said, looking at him. "I think I even made him believe it was real. It didn't end well tho. I kind of kicked him out," she said, sighing. 

"That's OK," Lindsey said. "It's good actually."   
  
"Good? How is it good? I was such a bitch to him, Lindsey. That's not who I am." She looked at him, and watched as he turned away. "Or is it? Is that who I am now? Is that who you want me to be?"   
  
"No," Lindsey said. "Of course not. It's just we can't have you having them over for tea, either. You know you can't be close to them- or friendly. It's all part of it, remember?"   
  
"Yeah," Buffy said, moving away from him and towards the window. "I do." 

"Good," Lindsey said, trying not to notice how hurt she looked, but he couldn't help it. "Listen, I'm sorry."   
  
Buffy turned around suddenly and moved past him. "Whatever."   
  
"Buffy-" Lindsey said, his voice tender. "I don't want you to be upset."   
  
"No. You just need me to be," Buffy said harshly. "This whole plan is about hurting me as much as it's about hurting him, right? I mean, I'm sure your bosses are just loving that the slayer's getting fucked on this one."   
  
"That's not true," Lindsey said, although he suspected she was right. "It's just-"   
  
"It's just what, Lindsey?" She turned away, her hands shaking more than ever. "Look, I don't want to fight. It's just- seeing him made things harder for me. Especially after last night, and everything. This isn't easy for me, you know?"   
  
"I know," Lindsey said, moving closer to her and putting his hand on her shoulder. "I wish you didn't have to get hurt to make this work."   
  
"Yeah well, that makes two of us," Buffy said, sighing. "It's just not getting any easier."   
  
"And it won't," Lindsey said, his voice soothing although his words were anything but. He moved his hands across her waist and held her to him. "But you can do it. You're stronger than anything that's going to be thrown at you."   
  
"I don't know," Buffy said, leaning her head back against his shoulder. "I'd like to think so, but-" 

"Shh," Lindsey said, softly brushing his lips against her cheek. He held her for a moment before his eyes caught sight of something across the room and he pulled back a bit. 

"What is it?" Buffy asked, turning around and looking at him. 

"Nothing," Lindsey answered. But his eyes remained transfixed on the pitcher atop the mantle and what looked like a small camera lens inside the basin underneath. Had Holland never told him of the surveillance, he would never have noticed it. But now, he knew they were being watched. He had to play the part to perfection. 

"We need to talk," Lindsey said, moving back to the couch and sitting down. "There's been a slight change of plan. It doesn't really involve you, but you need to know about it."   
  
"Um," Buffy said, confused by Lindsey's sudden change in demeanor. "Ok. What's the what?"   
  
"It's about Kate," Lindsey started, picking up the glass again and taking a long sip. "She's been a thorn in Wolfram & Hart's side since the day she got a desk at the LAPD. But lately, her hatred for Angel has outgrown her hatred for our organization, and we see that as a valuable asset."   
  
"We do, do we?" Buffy asked, sitting back across from him with her arms and legs crossed. She hated when Lindsey was like this; nothing more than a voice for Wolfram & Hart. 

"Yes," Lindsey said, clearing his throat. "But it's not enough that she hate him. We need her on our side, and we've decided that the best way to do that is for me to seduce her."   
  
Lindsey stopped, moving to take another sip but grimacing when he saw his glass was empty. "So I'm going to see her tomorrow and, if all goes well, I won't be coming home. Not until morning, at least." He looked at her. "Do you understand?"   


Buffy stared at Lindsey, uncomprehending. Her mind was flooded with a million different thoughts and emotions, all struggling to be the one to come out in response. "Fine," she said, gritting her teeth. "Whatever. You two can go off and get married for all I care." 

"Buffy," Lindsey said, noting her annoyance. "We have no loyalties to each other. No real ones, at least."   
  
Although she knew she had no right to, and that he was correct, she couldn't help but feel stung by his words. "Thanks for the reminder. You know, for a minute there, I was stupid enough to forget it," she said, getting up and heading towards the door. "I'm going to go patrol. I'll be back before curfew," she said. 

"Buffy," Lindsey called out, getting up and walking over to her. "Listen, I'm sorry if that came across harsher than I intended. We just need to keep our eye on the ball and remember what's important." 

  
"Important to you," Buffy reminded him. "The only thing that's important to me anymore is Faith. And knowing that she's alright is the only thing keeping me from bashing your face in right now."

"You need to calm down, Buffy," Lindsey said, reaching out to her, but she swatted his hand away. "Listen. Please," he pleaded. 

She sighed. "What? What do you possibly have to say?"   
  
"How about I don't want this either?" he said, his voice low. He moved in closer, his voice dropping again. "You think I want to be with her? I don't. And what I said before- about loyalties-" He sighed. "I didn't mean it. I know I should, but I didn't." 

"This is all so complicated," Buffy said, looking down. "I don't want to care for you. There's no reason I should." 

"Thanks," Lindsey said, smiling. 

  
"Come on Lindsey," Buffy said, cocking her head to the side. "Maybe if you were a normal guy, and I was a normal girl and we just met somewhere, but with everything going on, with this whole thing-"   
  
"I know," Lindsey said, nodding. "We can't let them know. We have to make them think that there's nothing between us."   
  
"I don't know what there is between us, Lindsey. There's a lot of different things. I just know that I don't want you to be with her." 

"I don't either. But I have to, Buffy." Lindsey reached down to cup her face gently. "Do you understand? This is my sacrifice." 

Buffy nodded, looking down. "We're so stupid," she said, laughing. "As if this whole thing isn't complicated enough. I have to act like I care about you in front of one person, and act like I don't in front of another."   
  
"I know," he said, leaning in and kissing her softly. His hands moved through her hair, and he felt her hands move across his waist. He deepened the kiss and she began to respond, but suddenly backed away instead. 

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head. "I just can't. I can't get any more confused than I already am." 

"I understand," Lindsey said, taking a deep breath. Only a moment close to her got him more excited than he would rather be. "Go patrol. I have some work to do."   
  
Buffy nodded. "I'm sorry," she said again as she walked to the door. She paused for a moment with her hand on the doorknob, waiting for him to say something. She was about to turn around and change her mind when she heard his office door slam shut. 

She walked out the door, unsure of where exactly she was heading. 

+++++  


Angel and Faith had been making their way through the sewers underneath the city for hours. Angel had cursed each time he had made a wrong turn, and Faith was growing more annoyed with each minute that passed. 

"Angel, I'm pretty sure it's dark now. Why don't we just go above ground and go wherever we're goin' from there?" Faith asked as they turned around yet again. 

"I know where I'm going, damnit," Angel barked. 

  
Faith crossed her arms as she followed him, willing to give him only five more minutes. Or five more wrong turns, whichever came first. "You been to this place before?"   
  
"All the time," Angel said. "I'm just-" He stopped, sighing. "I'm just not thinking very clearly right now."   
  
"Yeah, tell me about it," Faith said sarcastically. "Listen. I'm gonna go above ground. If you want to follow, go right ahead. Probably best since I have no idea where the hell I'm going. But hey, if you want to kick around here with the rats and keep getting lost, that's fine with me too. I'm sure there's a good club around here somewhere." 

"Faith," Angel said, sighing. "I'm not going anywhere."   
  
"Whatever," Faith said, shrugging. "Why not?"   
  
"Because we're here," Angel said, swinging open the door that Faith had hardly noticed. "Welcome to Caritas." 

  
TBC...


	13. Part 13

TITLE: Crosses To Bear (13/?)

AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker 

EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com 

RATING: R 

PAIRING: B/L 

SUMMARY: Buffy is with Lindsey for a year to get Faith out of jail. Angel's found out and has taken to Faith to Caritas for more information. 

FEEDBACK: I do the dance of joy upon receipt of feedback. 

DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant Enemy own all. 

DISTRIBUTION: All the usual suspects. All others, please ask first. 

DEDICATION: To those who gave feedback. It truly means the world. 

Considering Faith had been a slayer for three years and counting, the fact that Caritas took her by surprise was saying something. 

As they walked past tables full of demons drinking and singing along, Faith had to pinch herself. Had she not been clean since she threw herself in jail, she would have thought she was having a hallucination.  Throw in a few dancing pink giraffes, and things would seem familiar. 

"This place is unreal," she said to Angel, who seemed as if this was all old hat to him. "What's the deal with it?" 

"The Host runs the place," Angel said, pointing to a green horned demon across the room sipping a drink with an umbrella firmly planted in it. "He's an anagogic. When you sing, he can read you; see your past, your future. Your path." 

"Nice parlor trick.  Was this the place you told me you sang at?" Faith asked.

"That would be the one." 

"And they still let you in?" 

"Faith-" 

"Yeah, I know," Faith said, grimacing at a demon who was drooling some sort of purple slime onto the plate in front of him. "Classy place too. We hit this place up for readings or slayings?" 

"The former," Angel said. "Caritas is a sanctuary. We can't touch any demons here." 

"What a waste," Faith said, shrugging. "They're pretty much lining up for a good ass kicking." 

Angel didn't answer her, but moved to the seat next to the demon.  Faith followed, standing behind Angel and looking the Host over curiously. 

"Lorne," Angel said, tapping his fingers on the bar. "I don't want to sing." 

"Oh honey, I don't want you to either. Good we got that out of the way, huh?" Lorne put his drink down and let his fingers circle the rim of the umbrella plopped inside it.  He looked over to Faith, his eyes taking her in. "So," he said, leaning back against the bar and staring at her. "How about you, sweetcakes? Feel like belting out a few tunes?" 

"Yeah well, I would but I don't have my twirly batons with me," Faith said sarcastically, crossing her arms. "Really would be a waste without 'em."     

"Actually, I have a pair in the back," Lorne said, grinning. "But somehow I'm sensing that's not your weapon of choice." 

"I could kick ass with them if I wanted to." Faith shrugged.

"You're resourceful," Lorne said, looking her over again. 

"Yeah well, I do what I can," Faith said, starting to feel uncomfortable. "So this is fun and all, but you wanna get to it, Angel?"

"Ah, never a social visit," Lorne said, drinking the rest of his margarita and beckoning the bartender over. "Another one, Enrique," he said, winking. "Extra salt. I'm feeling like a lush tonight." 

"Lorne. We need your help," Angel said, lowering his voice. "We need to know what's going on with someone." 

"Hmm," Lorne said, taking the drink the bartender handed him and sipping it quickly.  He looked back to Angel and laughed. "Wow. She really got to you, didn't she?" 

"You know who he's talking about?" Faith asked. She turned to Angel. "I thought you said we had to sing. I'm starting to think the whole thing's a crock."

"It's all about the passion in the voice, snookums," Lorne said. "Normally, the voice can't convey it, but when things get intense, it comes through and I can read it." 

"Our innermost thoughts and shit?" Faith asked, skeptical. 

"Sometimes," Lorne admitted. "It depends on the person." He smiled at her. "Like you, for instance. You may as well be see-through." 

Faith shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I didn't come for myself, so you can quit peeking around inside. We came to ask about B." 

"Are you sure you don't already have the answers?" Lorne asked her, raising his eyebrow. 

"You think I'd be here if I did?" Faith asked, struggling to keep her voice from wavering. Coming here wasn't a good idea. She had the very real feeling that the whole house of cards was about to come tumbling down. 

"Hmm," Lorne said, turning back to Angel. "I guess she doesn't have the answers after all." 

"So what's going on, Lorne? She's not herself," Angel said, leaning on the bar and looking to the demon. "The things she says, the things she's doing-" 

"The people she's doing," Faith added, and Angel automatically flinched. "Sorry." 

"No, hot stuff here's gotta get used to hearing it," Lorne said. 

"That's what I keep tellin' him. Gives them too much power if he goes all psycho every time someone mentions it." 

"Might just be what they want," Lorne said, sitting back. "Ever think about that?" 

"So you're saying Lindsey's just using her?" Angel asked, tightening his fist. 

"Or maybe she's just using him," Faith said. 

"Maybe they're using each other," Lorne offered. 

"You know, I didn't come here for a lot of 'maybes'," Angel said, the annoyance in his voice growing. "I came for answers. Why is she acting like this? Why did she leave Sunnydale? Why is she with him?" Why-"

"Woah woah woah, honey," Lorne said, putting his hand up to stop Angel. "You're gonna have to give me a few years to finish that novel." 

"I need to know now," Angel demanded, slamming his fist down on the bar.  

"Hey Rambo," Lorne said. "Take it easy." 

Angel sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm sure you can tell how important this is to me." 

"Honey, you don't need to be anagogic to be able to see that. But the thing is," Lorne said, leaning in towards Angel, "Even I know there are some things I'm not supposed to meddle in." 

Faith released the breath she had held in for the last few minutes. She was sure he was going to let Angel know everything, and she wasn't ready for that yet. "So what? You're not gonna help us?" She bit her lip, hoping he wouldn't take the hook she had put out just to look good. 

Lorne turned to her and smiled, and she could tell he knew everything.  She struggled to hold her gaze with him, and finally he turned away. "I am," he said, turning to Angel. "It's important that you realize that. I can't give you answers, but I can give you advice- play it cool. Don't let them get to you." 

"Great," Angel said, his voice heavy with sarcasm. "You know, I could have got that advice from Dear Abby." 

"Dear Abby knows squat," Lorne said, offended. "Look, Angel. I want to give you the answers. I do. But I can't." 

"Won't," Angel corrected. 

"Well yeah. That too." Lorne shook his head. "Listen. This is a complicated game of chess you're playing."  He turned to Faith, then back to Angel. "Lots of pawns being sacrificed. Not sure I want to be one of them."  

Angel stood up quickly, his shoulders hunched forward as he looked to Lorne. "You know where I am if you decide to grow a pair." 

"Hey, I had a pair once," Lorne said, picking up his drink and taking another sip. "They fall off on your 30th birthday." He sighed wistfully. "I do miss them sometimes."

"Yeah well, this has been fun and all, but I say we get outta here before I find it a little hard to control my slayer impulses," Faith said, crossing her arms. 

"I will say one thing tho," Lorne said as Angel started to leave. "She won't last the year." 

"What is that supposed to mean?" Angel asked, stepping back to Lorne. 

"I think you know what I mean," Lorne said, looking to Faith. He smiled and shook his head at her, turning back to Angel. 

"Are you threatening her?" Angel asked, grabbing Lorne by his collar. 

"Down boy," Lorne said, moving Angel's hands from his lapel. "Au contraire. I'd never want to hurt a sweet little thing like her. I just call 'em like I see 'em- whatever they mean." 

Angel backed off, and turned to Faith. "You're right. Let's get out of here." 

Angel started to walk away, but Faith remained for a moment, her eyes locked with the Host. "I didn't want this," she said, her voice low. "Not what I wanted."

"Yeah, I know," Lorne said, shrugging. "But you've got it, sweetie. Now what matters is what you do with it." 

"And what's that?" she asked, genuinely curious to hear the answer. 

"Hey, if I give out all the answers, where would be the challenge for you?" Lorne said, standing up. "This is yours, you know?" He cocked his head and smiled. "It's your challenge." 

"'Cause of the things I did?" Faith asked. 

"Maybe," Lorne admitted. "Maybe not. I just know it's yours. You've gotta find out what's best on your own. And it's not as simple as it seems. This is a whole Rubik's Cube worth of confusion." 

"I just-" 

"Faith," Angel beckoned. "Let's go." 

"I gotta," Faith said and Lorne nodded. 

"I understand. Just remember Faith," he said. "The easiest answer is not always the right one. Neither is the hardest." 

"Uh huh," Faith said, nodding as if she understood when, really, she had no idea. "See ya." She turned and walked towards Angel, who was looking at her curiously. 

"What was that about?" Angel asked as he looked back to Lorne, who had made his way behind the bar to pour himself another drink. 

"Oh," Faith said, shrugging. "Just givin' him a piece of my mind." 

"And what did he say?" Angel asked as they exited Caritas and walked up the stairs to the night above. 

"Nothing helpful," she answered, and moved to walk ahead. She needed a moment to think on her own, because she had the feeling that once she figured it all out, it would indeed be helpful. 

TBC.... 


	14. Part 14

TITLE: Crosses To Bear (14/?)  
  
AUTHOR: Rebecca Parker  
  
EMAIL: NumfarGal@aol.com  
  
RATING: R  
  
PAIRING: B/L  
  
SUMMARY: Buffy is with Lindsey for a year to get Faith out of jail. Things are getting complicated...  
  
TIMELINE: Just for clarity, let's say this fic takes place somewhere between Seasons 4 & 5 of "Buffy".  
  
FEEDBACK: I do the dance of joy upon receipt of feedback.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Joss and Mutant Enemy own all.  
  
DISTRIBUTION: All the usual suspects. All others, please ask first.  
  
DEDICATION: To Moe.  
  
  
  
  
  
Cordelia sipped her coffee with her knees pulled up to her chest, an involuntary yawn escaping her throat. Her hair was a mess, her clothes wrinkled. She had spent the night researching their latest case with Wesley, since Buffy's arrival had put them back a few days with their clients.  
  
"Anything at all?" Cordelia asked, exasperated as she flipped another page aimlessly. She stared at Wesley, who sat across from her, looking every bit as tired as she.  
  
"I'm sorry to say- nothing at all," Wesley said, removing his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. "It would help if we had some more support. A case like this, there's so many books we could need to go through."  
  
"Yeah well, Gunn's out hitting the streets, and Faith and Angel are off dreaming of sugar plum fairies or whatever," Cordelia said, putting the book down in front of her and reaching up to pull her hair into a ponytail. She sighed as she fastened it with an elastic that had been wrapped around her wrist. "This whole Buffy thing was the worst thing that could have happened. As if things weren't weird enough with Faith being back."  
  
"Yes," Wesley admitted, looking to her. "I know I try to pretend that everything is fine, but-"  
  
"But," Cordelia agreed. "Angel's just expecting too much of us if he thinks he can just snap his fingers and we'll forget everything that happened. I mean, OK, we were good for a few days, but even I'm not that good of an actress. And you- you're like a Pauly Shore."  
  
"Hmm?" Wesley asked, confused. "What does that mean?"  
  
"It means that when it comes to acting like you're cool around Faith, you suck. You avoid looking at her, make lame excuses to get yourself out of a room when you're with her. Do you want me to go on?"  
  
"Not usually," Wesley said, grinning slightly. "I try. I do believe she's trying to change."  
  
"You do?" Cordelia asked, leaning forward. "I mean, really?"  
  
"I suppose," Wesley said. "In all honesty, I do believe that. It's not that I don't trust her."  
  
"It's not?" Cordelia asked, surprised. "Cause I figured that's what it is. You know, especially since I don't, and I just got an elbow in the face. Compared to you, that's like a paper cut."  
  
Wesley nodded. "I believe that's what the cause of my discomfort is. It's not that I doubt her sincerity in this recovery period, it's more that I can't help but remember the details with such vividness when I'm around her."  
  
"Well," Cordelia said, leaning back in her seat and rubbing her tired eyes, "Maybe you should just keep on avoiding her in the one on one sense. I mean, until you're ready."  
  
"I'm not sure that will ever happen," Wesley admitted. "As much as I may want it to."  
  
"Well then we may have a problem, Wes," Cordelia said. "Cause Angel seems to think having her around is just a dandy plan, and if you're going to always be uncomfortable with her around, I think that's just about as un- dandy as you can get. Maybe you should talk to him," she said, her voice low and sympathetic. "Wesley, you're more important than her."  
  
"I'm not a Slayer, Cordelia," Wesley reminded her. "I'm just a washed up ex- Watcher whose only skills are in researching."  
  
"I don't think so," Cordelia said. "I think you're skills are that you tend to always be right, as frustrating as it may be at times. But right now, you're wrong. You're way more important than her. She's just a ticking time bomb, Wes."  
  
"Mornin'," Faith said, moving into the room and stretching her hands into the air as a long yawn escaped her throat. She wanted to pretend like she hadn't heard what was just said, and hoped she was doing a good job at it. "Long night?" she asked, flopping down in the empty chair next to Cordelia and crossing one leg over the other.  
  
"Yes," Wesley said, shifting in his chair. He adjusted his glasses, trying to balance out the different levels and reasons of unease that had washed over him. "This latest case is quite the enigma."  
  
"Yeah well, I'm sure you'll figure it out. You were always good at that book stuff," Faith said, shrugging. "So you'll figure it out, and then we'll go kick some ass."  
  
"Sounds like a plan," Cordelia said, yawning again. "That is, if we ever do figure it out. Not sure how good of a job researching we're going to do with our eyes shut tho."  
  
"Been up all night?" Faith asked, leaning back in her chair so the front legs came up.  
  
She looked the two of them over and noted how wrinkled and exhausted they both looked. "Shoulda come and got me. Been having problems sleeping lately anyway."  
  
"We didn't want to disturb you. You and Angel both came in so late last night. Was everything alright?" Wesley asked, flipping the page and avoiding looking directly at her.  
  
"Yeah. We went to some karaoke place." Faith shrugged. "That's some weird shit."  
  
"Caritas," Cordelia said, nodding. "You didn't sing, did you?"  
  
"I resisted the urge,' Faith said, smirking.  
  
"And Angel?" Cordelia said, her voice almost afraid. "Did he...sing?"  
  
"He resisted it too," Faith said, laughing. "He's that bad, huh?"  
  
"Oh yeah," Cordelia said, laughing. "I think I've lost part of my hearing since his musical debut." She smiled. "Thankfully. Cause he's given a few encore performances since then."  
  
"Yeah well, I didn't get the pleasure of hearing him. He just got in a little spat with that green demon guy." Faith frowned at the memory of her conversation with him. "I didn't like him. Weird vibes on that one."  
  
"Lorne?" Cordelia asked, tilting her head to look at Faith. "Oh, Lorne's a darling!" she said, smiling. "Angel got in a fight with him? What happened?"  
  
"Well, no blows were exchanged, but it wasn't exactly the friendliest conversation ever. Guess this Lorne guy knows what's the what with Buffy, but apparently mum's the word."  
  
"Lorne wouldn't help Angel?" Wesley asked, looking from Cordelia to Faith. "That's peculiar. He must know how important this is to Angel. When it comes to Buffy-"  
  
"Yeah, and maybe that's why he's keeping his mouth shut for once. Maybe the news isn't good and he doesn't want Angel going all Angelus on us all," Cordelia offered. "Maybe it's best if we just forget about Buffy and Lindsey and just work on what we're here to do- help the helpless." She sighed. "And pay the rent! Does Angel know how bad our finances are?"  
  
"He does," Angel said, walking into the room and heading straight for the coffee machine. "You know, you guys should really work on being quieter. Sound carries in this hotel," he said, pouring himself a cup.  
  
"Oh, like you don't know what we think of this whole situation," Cordelia said, frustrated. "So listen, maybe you didn't hear the part where we talked about how we've been up all night and how we're getting nowhere on this case which, by the way," Cordelia said, her tone higher, "is a paying gig. So as much as I bet you'd love to find out what's going on with Buffy, it's not a priority."  
  
"To you," Angel corrected her.  
  
"Heck yeah, it's not one to me. And it shouldn't be to you either. Angel, you're not together anymore. You haven't been for a long time."  
  
"Thanks for the history lesson," Angel said sarcastically. "And while normally I appreciate your opinion, Cordelia, this is not one of those times. I'm going to find out what's going on with her."  
  
Wesley sighed, looking away from the group for a moment. He had yet to tell Angel what he had been dreading, and now seemed an opportune time. "Angel, when I went to see her yesterday, there didn't seem to be anything wrong. She seemed...happy," Wesley said. "Now, I may not like her choice, and I may continue to worry, but I do believe her feelings are true. And we don't have time to waste to mend your ego."  
  
He looked away again, his words coming out harsher than he had intended. This wasn't an argument meant to be had when half the people involved hadn't slept in days. "Angel, I think you need to accept it."  
  
"I don't have to accept anything, Wesley. I make the decisions around here, and we are going to find out what's going on. I refuse to believe she would be with him by choice."  
  
"Of course you wouldn't," Faith said, scoffing. "You know, for someone who pretty much lives in a world of gray, you sure do have a knack for seeing everything in black and white."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Angel asked, turning to the Slayer and glaring at her.  
  
"It means that maybe your little Buffy isn't the little Princess you think she is. Maybe she's got reasons for being with him that you don't want to hear."  
  
"Yeah," Cordelia said, standing up and placing her hands on her hips. "Faith's right, Angel. There are a lot of reasons she might be with Lindsey. Sex, for instance."  
  
"I don't want to hear this," Angel said, turning away angrily.  
  
"Of course you don't," Wesley said, standing up and walking towards Angel. "But whatever her reasons, she is with him now. And I believe her feelings are true. I'm sorry Angel, I am. But perhaps you need to accept it. This is all clouding your judgment. You're willing to throw all we have away just to satisfy this situation to yourself, and I'm afraid you never will."  
  
Angel turned back to the group, and his face was glowering with anger. "This conversation is ending right now. We're going to continue to find out what is going on, and if anyone isn't fine with that, they know where the door is. I suggest they use it."  
  
With that, Angel took his cup of coffee and stormed out of the room angrily. The rest of them were standing there, astounded.  
  
"Well this is great," Cordelia said. "Way to lose focus. Buffy always does this to him. She's like his Kryptonite or something. He gets around her, and all of the sudden, he has the mentality of a three year old."  
  
Wesley nodded, sinking back into his chair and throwing a nervous glance to Faith, who had returned to hers. "We'll have to continue to work on both cases," he said, sighing. "He won't budge, but we still need to pay our bills." He sighed. "I suppose it's fortuitous that you came to us now, Faith." He smiled awkwardly. "With you and Gunn back on our team, we at least have some extra manpower."  
  
"Yeah," Faith said, shrugging. "I'm in. Still working on this whole teamwork thing, but I'll give it my all." She looked around. "Where is Gunn, anyway?"  
  
"He's out researching the case on a street basis," Cordelia said. "He'll probably check in later tonight." She got up, stretching her arms out and yawning. "Well guys, I'd love to just stay up all night and page through books on innards and gizzards and stuff, but if I want to be able to think clearly at all, I need my beauty sleep." With a wave, Cordelia left the room.  
  
"Yes, I suppose I'll call it a night as well," Wesley said, closing the book in front of him. "Faith, would you mind researching for a bit? You know the details of the case, do you not?"  
  
"Yeah, I remember," Faith said, nodding as she grabbed a book and flipped to the middle.  
  
"Perhaps you should start at the beginning," Wesley said, leaning over and turning the pages to the front. He looked up at her, his eyes searching hers for a minute. "There," he said, pulling back. "That text may contain valuable information."  
  
"OK,' Faith said, smiling at him shyly. She couldn't help but notice that his hands shook when he turned the pages, and she still felt guilty for what she had heard him say before she walked in.  
  
She closed her eyes for a minute, and the sound of her laughter came back. She could feel the heat of the blowtorch; she could feel the sharpness of the blade of glass that she had used to cut him. She shivered as it all faded away as quickly as the memory had come over her. He wasn't the only one who was haunted by that night.  
  
He started to walk away and she opened her mouth. "I'm sorry," she said to him, and he stopped.  
  
Wesley turned around, watching the Slayer look to him with compassion and sorrow. "You heard," Wesley said, nodding. "I'm sorry also. You weren't meant to-"  
  
"No," Faith said. "It's fine. I knew it wasn't going to be all peaches and cream and shit," she said, shrugging. "Listen, I know you guys need help, but I don't have to stick around if you don't want me to. I can pack a bag and find somewhere else to go tonight if you want."  
  
"I don't want that," Wesley said, shaking his head. "I don't. I just need time, Faith. What happened that night-" His voice drifted off, and he had to shake his head to get the memory out of it.  
  
"Yeah," Faith said, nodding. "I'm sorry."  
  
"I know," Wesley said. He wanted to say something else, but he found that words failed him. "But we do need you here, and I do appreciate the help you've given and the attempts to redeem yourself. I just need time," he said again.  
  
He turned around again, feeling as if this was an awkward situation he no longer wanted to be a part of. His lack of sleep was impairing his thinking, and this was, again, another conversation he needed to have when he was thinking more clearly. "Good night Faith," he said, and he didn't wait for her response before he left the room.  
  
  
  
++++++++  
  
Buffy had purposefully slept late; thinking correctly that Lindsey wouldn't wake her when he left for work. She had kept to her side of the bed, and he had kept to his, and, for that, Buffy was grateful.  
  
She had rarely been so confused over her feelings. Even with Angel, things had made more sense.  
  
She rolled over in bed and hugged the pillow close to her. She had no reason to have feelings for Lindsey. He was, she knew, a symbol of what she spent her life fighting. He represented evil- literally.  
  
She closed her eyes, moving her hand up to cover them and block out the light that seeped in nevertheless. She had patrolled for hours the night before, coming home only minutes before her curfew. Things had been slow, and she was starting to catch on that vamps in LA operated differently than vamps in Sunnydale. Patrolling the cemeteries wasn't nearly as productive, and considering the higher rate of graves, that wasn't a good sign.  
  
She opened her eyes again and glanced at the alarm clock that sat beside the bed. Even through the blurring, she could read that it was only 11:30, and she rolled back over with a frustrated sigh. She was so tired of spending her days inside this apartment. Shocked as she was to admit it, she even missed school. She hadn't planned to take the semester off, and her mother had been upset when she had given her the news about dropping out and moving away.  
  
Joyce hadn't understood, and Buffy couldn't say she blamed her. The scene seemed all too familiar to the one they had before Buffy ran away those years ago, and the memory of both fights still upset her.  
  
The first time, she had known her mother was wrong. She didn't understand what it was to be a slayer- the sacrifices that had to be made. The second time, she had known her mother was right. But she also knew that her mother didn't understand the guilt that had consumed Buffy for months over Faith, and the willingness she had to give up everything to make it right.  
  
Buffy sat up in bed, swinging her legs over the side as she heard her mother's words in her head. "This isn't you, Buffy. I don't understand how you can do this." As she moved from the bedroom to the bathroom, she continued to remember that last argument. "You're making a mistake, Buffy. You're throwing everything you have away, and you're not even thinking about who and what you're leaving behind."  
  
Buffy groaned as she reached the bathroom, her feet stepping onto the cold tile. She didn't want to think about what had happened in Sunnydale before she left; the fight with her mother was one of the lesser ones she had had when she announced her decision to move to LA. At first, they had all assumed it was an Angel thing, but she had set them straight. She couldn't let them think that, even though it would have at least made things somewhat easier to explain.  
  
Buffy stripped out of her pajamas and grabbed her bathrobe from the back of the door where it hung neatly next to Lindsey's. She reached into the shower and turned on the hot water, feeling the steam begin to fill the room. She walked away, closing the door behind her and heading to the kitchen.  
  
She was about to open the refrigerator when the phone rang, and Buffy sighed; she didn't quite feel like talking to anyone. She picked the phone up off the counter and held it to her ear for a moment before she answered it. "Hello?" she finally said, her finger depressing the on button.  
  
"Buffy, it's me," Lindsey's voice came from the other end.  
  
She didn't answer for a moment; her breath caught in her throat at the different emotions hearing his voice caused her.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Yeah. Buffy Summers, Present," she said finally. "What do you want?"  
  
Lindsey was put off by her tone of voice and took a moment to answer. "I just wanted to check in. See if everything was OK."  
  
"Everything's fine," Buffy answered, not willing to say any more for fear of what would come out.  
  
"Um. OK," Lindsey said, and Buffy could hear the confusion on his end. "I just wanted to remind you about tonight. I probably won't be home until morning."  
  
"Yeah," Buffy said, nodding as she moved to sit on the kitchen stool. "Kate night."  
  
"Yeah," Lindsey answered, trying to judge the tone of her voice. "Are you OK with that?'  
  
"You're really asking me that?" Buffy asked, laughing. She couldn't help it- she couldn't imagine how, after last night, he could possibly think she would be.  
  
"Yeah. Sorry. Stupid question," he said. "You'll be alright home alone tonight?"  
  
"I don't know," Buffy said, sarcastically. "I mean, I have these supernatural skills to destroy evil, but those shadows in the corner are kinda threatening."  
  
"You're angry," Lindsey commented.  
  
"About constantly being belittled? Yeah, a little," Buffy said, switching the phone to the other ear. "Look, you go out with Kate tonight and you have a wonderful time. Tell her you like her shoes- that usually works. And you know, I'll be at home knitting and mixing you martinis, and I'll see you whenever you find your way back."  
  
"Buffy-"  
  
"Drive safely, Lindsey," Buffy said, slamming the phone down on the counter and struggling to catch her breath. He made her so angry and, at the same time, she still couldn't help but feel those jealousy pangs that had kept her up the night before.  
  
"Damn you Lindsey," Buffy said, heading back to the bathroom and opening the door, the steam rushing out and enveloping her as she let her bathrobe slip to the floor.  
  
She hated him right now. And all she wanted was, for five minutes, to forget.  
  
  
  
TBC..... 


End file.
